


Left in the Dark

by deepfriedtofu (Liquidtofu)



Series: Kakashi Gaiden [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Hatake Kakashi, Canonical Character Death, F/M, First Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden, Survivor Guilt, it gets better for kakashi, mentions of Naruto/Sasuke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:45:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2413766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liquidtofu/pseuds/deepfriedtofu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kakashi is in love with his sensei, who is in love with Kushina. Many years later, Minato returns to Konoha and they have to pick up the pieces, together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A new beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Please give me constructive criticism, I want to know why you disliked my story ! It helps me to deliver something better next time :)

A/N: I just pulled an explanation out of my … behind. But it’s more important that Minato is back, right? :D Kakashi is an epic troll in this one (trolling Shikamaru and Naruto left and right)

“Happy Birthday, Naruto.” Minato grinned, but the tears glistening in his eyes were obvious. Kakashi was silent, not interrupting what little time he had with his son.

His respect for Naruto grew stronger. Instead of telling his father to stay, not to leave him, he grinned back, trying to reassure him. Naruto had truly matured. If Kakashi was in his place, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to let Minato go wordlessly. There was so much he wanted to say, like: “Minato-sensei, why did it have to be like this?” “Were you happy to see me, too?” But Kakashi held his tongue. Even if they did have more time, he wouldn’t want to reveal all of his feelings in front of his students and the other Hokage.

When Minato disappeared, he knew that he had disappeared forever. There would be no more Rinnegan for the Rinne Tensei, and no one would perform Edo Tensei to bring him back.

After they returned to Konoha and started reconstructing the village, Kakashi became the new Hokage, true to Obito’s words. Everyone knew he was a stand-in only, and he himself thought the same. He would try to pave the way for Naruto to his best abilities. He might not have the charismatic air about him that the Shodaime had, or the same negotiation skills and intimidating aura that the Nidaime had, but he had his own fortes. He knew he was a smooth talker, getting people to do things without them realizing it. His lazy demeanor and easy going attitude made it easy for others to underestimate him. Kakashi was no fan of politics, but he recruited Yamato as his personal advisor and accepted his new position.

Four months had passed. He smiled wistfully, as he looked out of the window. His cooling breath fogged up the window. Everyone seemed to be happy, some children were playing in the snow, and he saw the members of the old Genin teams. They could finally live in peace, but he wasn’t naïve enough to think that no new conflicts would arise. They had paid a steep price for their newfound freedom, requiring the death of numerous of his comrades. He still remembered how, years ago, Gai would ask him to eat lunch with Kurenai and Asuma, only for him to ignore them. Now, no other opportunity would arise. Asuma was gone for good. He hoped that by the time there would be new a conflict to solve Naruto would old enough to take over, since he had an uncanny ability to make everyone follow him and resolve conflicts bloodlessly. He briefly wondered if Naruto would have turned out the same way, if his parents had been alive.

“Hokage-sama, here are the new Genin recruit’s files. I thought you might want to take a look at them.” One of his direct subordinates, Shikamaru, dropped a bunch of files onto his desk, adding to the mess of unfinished paperwork.

“Maa, maa Shikamaru. Why don’t you take a look?” Kakashi coaxed. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

“Hokage-sama, I’ll leave you to it.” With a loud bang, he had left the room. Kakashi let his head drop to the desk. Why had he accepted the position again? He supported his head with his left hand, while he leafed through the files Shikamaru had provided him with. At least he only had to read and sign paperwork; he didn’t have to write any letters or contracts himself. The new recruits looked promising, and he smiled a little at the cute and chubby faces some of them had. It seemed like just yesterday when he accepted Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura as his students. He hated to admit it back then, but Sandaime gave him a new reason to live. Back then he had no one, but when they became his students, he finally had something to fight for. He knew that a Shinobi’s strength resulted from his resolve to protect what was precious to him.

“Tell Tenzo to come here!” Kakashi called through his closed door. One of his Anbu immediately reacted.

“Immediately, Hokage-sama,” he replied, before vanishing.

Kakashi had recruited none of Naruto’s friends into Anbu as they didn’t seem suited for the job, and had also drastically reduced the amount of Anbu In general. He didn’t want to burden the new generation with the dirty and ungrateful work Anbu-missions consisted of. He continued his paperwork while waiting for Yamato, occasionally reading some pages of the newest Ecchi novel he had acquired the day before. He was snickering quietly, a perverted grin on his face, when Yamato entered the room.

“You called for me, sempai?” His old habit of calling Kakashi sempai still persisted. When he saw that he was reading one of his novels again, he looked at him, exasperated. “Maybe I should come back later.”

“Maa, maa… You know it’s Hokage-sama for you now,” Kakashi teased him, “but I do have something to tell you. I want everybody to implement the bell test as a means to test the new Genin’s resolve.” Kakashi had folded his hands in front of his face, not betraying any emotion. Even though Yamato didn’t fully understand his reasoning, he knew it must be important for his sempai.

“Hai, I will let all the new teachers know. Is that all?”

“Teamwork is important, Tenzo. Remember that.” Kakashi turned his chair around, staring down at the bustling people in the streets. “You’re dismissed.”

Kakashi had assigned missions and new positions to most of Naruto’s old classmates, sending Ino-Shika-Cho on reconnaissance missions, while TenTen and Lee were mostly sent on escorting missions. All in all, he was quite pleased with himself. There was no dissatisfaction as far as he knew, and people accepted their assigned positions. His only problem was that he didn’t know what to do with Naruto and Sasuke. While Sakura had been assigned to the hospital, blooming in her new position, he had left the two others to their own devices, claiming that they needed to take a well-deserved holiday. Naruto had pouted, shouting that he wanted to go on missions, while Sasuke simply scoffed. He was still his gruff self, but Kakashi noticed the small, fond smile he sent Naruto’s way. The two of them mostly passed their time by training with each other, or finding other training partners. Frankly, Kakashi didn’t know what to do with them. Even if he had fully pardoned Sasuke, it wasn’t easy to send him on missions, there was still some distrust. Naruto mostly didn’t want to leave Sasuke’s side, but there were also no missions that were suited for Naruto. He was so strong that everything Kakashi had to offer seemed to be way below his abilities.

“I need to talk to Shikamaru,” Kakashi called.

“Hai,” the other Anbu guard called, leaving to fetch Shikamaru.

Kakashi walked over to the window, putting his hand to the glass. Whenever he was lost in his thoughts, he liked to look down at the people in the streets, even if he only looked, but did not see. He often wondered how Minato would have handled the situation. The man seemed to be graceful, polite and patient in any situation. He was sure that the tragedy surrounding Sasuke’s family could have been avoided with Minato’s diplomatic skills. He also wondered if Minato was just as bored as he was by his current position, although he highly doubted it. Minato had once told him that he liked Obito because they had the same dream. “I’ve wanted to become Hokage ever since I could talk,” he had said, grinning proudly. No, Kakashi shook his head; Minato would have accepted the routine work in a more dignified manner. He chuckled quietly, when he thought of Tsunade. At least he was more suited than her for the job.

“Hokage-sama, you wanted to speak to me?” Shikamaru’s bored voice shook him from his thoughts.

“Yes, Shikamaru. We both know that you’re the smartest ninja in the village right now, isn’t that true?” Kakashi began.

“Your sweet talking won’t get you anywhere. I won’t babysit any Genin,” Shikamaru immediately responded. Kakashi grinned.

“Ha, that’s not it. Although it would be interesting to see how you handle children, ne?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Actually, it’s concerning Sasuke and Naruto. I’m not sure what I should do with them.” Shikamaru looked at him, surprised.

“Aren’t you their teacher? You should know best which abilities they possess. However, I understand your concerns. You are concerned with Sasuke’s status as traitor that is still present in the villagers’ minds, despite your official pardon. As for Naruto, you know he won’t leave Sasuke’s side, now that he has returned. Other than that, you feel like Naruto is strong, but is neither suited for reconnaissance nor guarding missions, as he is too loud and too recognizable.” Shikamaru quickly assessed the situation.

“I knew you would see my point.” Kakashi paused. “Well, what do you propose?”

“It might be best to send them on a long-term mission, so things can smooth over, and the villagers can get used to the idea of Sasuke returning to Konoha. Naruto will also have his wish fulfilled, as he will be both able to spend time with Sasuke, but also be useful to his village.”

Kakashi seemed to think Shikamaru’s answer over. “I have also come to a similar conclusion, but wanted to consult you first. Don’t you think that sending Sasuke away on a mission will renew the villager’s suspicions about him?”

“I have also thought of that possibility. I still think it’s a good way to resolve the situation. We can print new history textbooks for school in which we will describe Sasuke’s deeds in the fight against Kaguya and also introduce a holiday. We would celebrate our victory over Kaguya and our liberation.”

“Shikamaru, your ideas are brilliant. I think I will implement them. Why don’t you come up with the texts and the name for the festival then?” Kakashi grinned slyly.

“Whatever.” Shikamaru waved his hand, realizing that he had been baited by Kakashi. It was obvious that the man had already thought of similar proceedings, but was too lazy to urge them on himself. Sometimes he wondered if their new Hokage wasn’t almost as lazy as him.

“Dismissed.”

The next day, Kakashi called Sasuke and Naruto to his office.

“Kakashi-sensei, do you have a mission for us?” Naruto was jumping up and down.

“It’s ‘Hokage-sama’, Naruto.” Kakashi winked. Naruto pouted.

“Just you wait and see! I will become the Rokudaime!” Sasuke had rolled his eyes, remaining silent throughout their exchange. Kakashi raised an eyebrow. That boy was still too serious for his own good. It reminded him a lot of how he had been before Obito’s death.

“I just wanted to spar.” Naruto grimaced. “That’s what you called us here for? You old geezer won’t even survive for five minutes against me!” He pointed his thumb to his chest, smiling proudly. “I am the strongest ninja there is!” He puffed his chest.

“Dobe.” Sasuke said.

“Alright, the strongest, together with Sasuke.” Naruto conceded. Sasuke smirked.

“Even if I won’t last five minutes, won’t you grant your poor, old teacher’s request?” Kakashi tried to invoke feelings of guilt in Naruto. “It gets so lonely in here. I’m all alone… all day long…” He sniffed.

“I’m sorry! Let’s spar now!” Naruto shouted, dragging Sasuke behind him.

They met each other at the training grounds. Kakashi procured a bell.

“What, this again? You know we are going to win!” Naruto shouted, pumping his fist into the air.

“Who is ‘we’? I’m going to team up with Sasuke, and we will try to get the bell from you.” Kakashi smirked, looking at Sasuke who smirked back.

“Nani?! You can’t do that, I was supposed to team up with Sasuke,” Naruto cried indignantly.

“When did we ever say that you were going to team up with Sasuke?” If Kakashi wasn’t wearing a mask, Naruto would have seen his mocking grin more clearly.

“Tche,” he pouted, “give it to me.” He held out his hand, took the bell and attached it to his belt. Then he assumed a fighting stance.

Kakashi and Sasuke also prepared themselves, looking at each other, silently communicating their strategy.

“Let the battle begin!” Kakashi shouted, running towards Naruto.

As he was still taller than Sasuke, who was right behind him, Naruto wasn’t able to properly track Sasuke’s movements. Kakashi took out his kunai, jumping at Naruto, who jumped back. When Naruto tried to hit Kakashi, he used his substitution Jutsu, teleporting behind Naruto who immediately noticed his bluff. By then, however, Sasuke had seized the opportunity the smoke of the substitution Jutsu provided, and snatched the bell. Kakashi put a hand on Naruto’s shoulder, leaning close to his ear.

“You lose,” he drawled, before appearing in front of him.

“No fair! You tricked me! How did you come up with a strategy so fast?”

“You underestimated me, Naruto. Remember it’s not only important to take your opponent’s skills into consideration, but also their relationship with their team.”

Naruto scratched his head, looking at him quizzically. “What relationship?”

“Well,” Kakashi began, “take Sasuke and me, for example. We have known each other for more than four years, and I am familiar with Sasuke’s fighting style. That means we will be able to form a strategy a lot faster than people who haven’t known each other for a long time, which is why we assign teams and mostly keep the roster.”

Naruto raised his fist. “Yosh! I got it, thanks Kakashi sensei. You might be old, but you’re not useless.” He grinned.

Kakashi smiled dangerously. Although Naruto was the best at inspiring others, he was also the best at insulting them unknowingly. Tsunade’s constant outbursts were the most prominent example. He decided to overlook Naruto’s comment.

“I made the bell test mandatory. I think teamwork is the most important quality of a good ninja. What do you think, Sasuke, Naruto?”

“I think it’s a great idea!” Naruto seemed enthusiastic about his decision. Sasuke only gave a noncommittal “Hn” in response. Kakashi was sure that the mission he was going to assign the both of them to would help boost Sasuke’s team morale.

“I actually do have a mission for you.” Naruto rejoiced only to be more subdued as Kakashi continued. “It will be a long-term one. I will send you to the ruins of Uzushiogakure to investigate if there is anything of use for Konoha there. I calculated the mission time to be three months, including travel time and research on site.”

“That’s so boring! We won’t even fight!” Kakashi knew that Naruto was itching for some real action, but he knew that even Naruto would understand his reasons.

“I know that. But gathering information is just as important as fighting. Also, I think it’s time you understand where you come from. You know that your mother’s last name was Uzumaki, right? It’s time for you to get to know your roots.”

Naruto enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug. “Thanks, Kakashi-sensei! You’re always thinking of what’s best for me. He felt a small patch of wetness on his black clothes, having left the Jounin vest at the office. He hugged Naruto back, slightly. The guilt was welling inside him. In fact, he knew that he was not always thinking for what was best for Naruto. The first twelve years of his life he hadn’t acknowledged him, and he also never told him about his father. In fact, he knew that nobody had ever told him about his father. He didn’t know when he would be ready to talk about Minato-sensei. Briefly, he looked over to Sasuke who mustered him with a calculating look. Kakashi smiled softly, making Sasuke blush faintly at having been caught. He understood his feelings of protectiveness and knew that Naruto was in good hands.

He told them that they could leave whenever they were ready, but to report to him first. Satisfied, he went back to his office. Even if his break had been less than half an hour, he felt invigorated. He didn’t pause to read even one page of his novel that day. At the end of the day, he was dead tired when he arrived at his apartment. He opened the door slowly. As soon as he had set one foot into his apartment, he froze. There was a trace of chakra in the room; someone must have been there. He took out a kunai from his porch, slowly and silently almost closing the door. He stalked into the room, checking for any differences, like exploding tags or traps. When he decided that there were no threats, he relaxed slightly, but didn’t let his guard down. He checked every room in his apartment, until he arrived at the kitchen. On the kitchen table, he found a brief note. “Come to the hospital tomorrow at 1pm. don’t tell anyone, Tsunade” it read. Kakashi finally let his guard down. So it was only Tsunade that had… broken into his apartment. He decided that he had to reinforce the barriers surrounding his apartment, even if it was the legendary Lady Tsunade who had evaded them. He also needed to ask why the hell she had to break into his apartment, instead of sending him a message to his office.

The next day, he caught himself drifting off again and again wondering what was hidden in Tsunade’s mysterious words. At eleven, he played with his pen, deciding that he was done for the day. He had two hours to go, so he decided to invite one of the Anbu guards into his office to play go, threatening both not to tell a word to anyone. After he successfully found a way to be busy, he left his office half an hour before he needed to be at the hospital. He decided to walk, since it was still early. He had slung a scarf around his throat, and wore his winter coat. It looked like Minato-sensei’s old Hokage coat, only that it had a fur collar like the Nidaime’s armor and was made of thicker fiber. He didn’t want to run, as that would appear too eager. He had appearances to keep up, after all. Time passed quickly while having to greet civilians and before he knew it, he had to hurry up to be on time. He didn’t enter through the front door, afraid that there would be too many patients trying to thank him for saving them or something equally time consuming. Instead, he directly jumped to the window belonging to Tsunade’s office, knocking on it. He prided himself on being only ten minutes late. Tsunade was talking to Sakura, seemingly chastising her. When she saw Kakashi, her eyes narrowed. She opened the window.

“Kakashi, there you are. Sakura, you’re dismissed.”

“Hai, Shishou!” Sakura saluted, before showing herself out.

“Sit down, Kakashi. This is going to be… a shock for you.” She nibbled on her lip, seemingly looking for the right words.

Kakashi sat down on the chair in front of her large, wooden table, and waited obediently. He knew better than to crack his usual jokes with this fiery tempered woman, resembling Kushina a lot (Kushina was a lot less scary though). She put one hand on the table, supporting her weight on it. There was seriousness in her face that didn’t seem to belong to the peaceful times they were living in.

“Do you know how the Reaper Death Seal Jutsu works?” He nodded. Since he was the Hokage, he had access to all forbidden Jutsu and had taken the time to study all of them, mastering some of them in the process. He wasn’t as talented as the Sandaime, who was known as “Professor” due to his mastering of all Jutsu there were in Konoha, but he wasn’t going to be far behind.

“It lets the user use the seal in exchange for their own life, doomed to a never ending existence in the Shinigami’s body.” He recited monotonously. He had no idea what she wanted to hear.

“That’s correct. However, Orochimaru, that bastard, did something good for once.” She smirked slightly, seemingly reminiscing. Kakashi cocked an eyebrow. He had thought that there was no love lost between them. “He found a way to undo the effects of the soul not being able to enter the afterlife.”

“That’s an extraordinary achievement, even for someone like him. This means we can, if the need arises, use this powerful Jutsu without repercussions.” He thought about how Minato and the Sandaime had sacrificed their souls to the Shinigami’s to protect their village.

“Well, it’s not that easy,” Tsunade started, dampening the impact of her revelation, “only very powerful ninja can do so. But I suppose you are right, it’s an immense relief.” There was tenderness in the look she aimed at Kakashi that made him uncomfortable. He had never seen the strong woman’s vulnerable side. “You know how both the Yondaime and Sandaime sacrificed their souls?”

Kakashi grimaced. “Yes, Lady Tsunade,” he ground out, clenching his teeth. “I’m well aware of that, I was there the night the Kyuubi attacked, and Minato-sensei and Kushina-san died.”

“Except, Minato didn’t die,” she said simply, as if stating that the weather was good. Kakashi squeezed his hands tightly, and looked at her. If that was her idea of a joke -

“What are you talking about! I saw him die,” he shouted, not realizing that he had raised his volume so much. He was angry at her for making the hope well inside him. He had seen how Minato had died, how Kushina had died. He was at their funeral.

“He didn’t die, not exactly. Kushina was beyond saving, as she had been very weak from having just given birth and was impaled on the Kyuubi’s claw, but they managed to save Minato’s body. During the funeral, you didn’t see his body, did you?”

Kakashi was astonished by her claims. It was true that they hadn’t seen Minato’s body, but he had assumed that it was so that the Yondaime would be remembered as a hero; so that his image wouldn’t be tarnished by the bloody corpse he had been at the end.

“No, I did not,” he affirmed her statement. She looked at him again, mustering him.

“I have something to show you. Follow me.” Without waiting for an answer, she left her office, walking down the corridor in a brisk pace. Kakashi immediately followed, though he wasn’t sure what she was getting at. Even if Minato’s body had survived, there was no soul. It was the same as being dead. On their way into the depths of the hospital they were mostly left alone, for which he was grateful. There were a few greetings here and there, but they didn’t try to make conversation, probably discouraged by his pensive expression. At last, they arrived at an iron door. Tsunade turned around.

“No matter what your reaction might be, you have to promise me that you will keep your silence. It is mandatory that no one will hear of what you are going to see. The only reason why I am informing you is because you are the new Hokage.”

“Hai, Tsunade-sama. It will remain our secret.” Seemingly satisfied by his answer, she nodded gravely, before forming hand signs to open the door. When it finally swung open, his mouth dropped open. There were a few rooms with glass doors, containing people. It seemed barbaric to hold them here, where no sunlight could reach.

“I know what you are thinking Kakashi, but some of these patients have illnesses that we can’t control. Some of them have to remain hidden, due to the Sandaime’s orders. I do not agree with his methods which is another reason why I took you here. In time, you may revisit these patient’s identities and decide on their destiny, after consulting my medical expertise, of course.”

They walked further down the corridor, before they arrived at the last door. Tsunade arrived first and opened the door. As she was standing in front of him, his view was blocked. When she finally stepped aside, he didn’t know what to think. There was a man sitting with his back turned towards them, reading a book, judging by the way he held his hands. He had unruly blonde hair and a lithe, almost sickly thin figure.

“Minato, I brought Kakashi.”

The blonde’s head whipped around, and Kakashi and the man looked at each other, shocked. Even if the man looked malnourished and his skin was sickly pale, there was no denying that those ocean blue eyes belonged to his sensei- Minato-sensei…

“Kakashi…” Minato whispered. His voice cracked and sounded hoarse, as if it was rusty from disuse.

“Minato-sensei…” Kakashi walked towards the bed, sinking to his knees. Slowly, he extended a hand, letting it wander towards Minato, before stopping just before it touched him. It was like a Genjutsu that would fade if he just said “Release”. The Minato look-alike stretched out his own hand, covering Kakashi’s. It was cold and dry. Kakashi turned towards Tsunade, a searching look in his eyes. He was looking for an explanation, any would do.

“I will leave you to it,” she simply said, giving them some semblance of privacy, although Kakashi was sure that she was standing just outside the door, listening to any words that were going to be exchanged between him and this ghost.

When he turned towards Minato again, his heart clenched. There was his gentle smile that he always craved, the smile that made you feel accepted, appreciated and wanted. A smile that was irresistible, yet effortless. He mustered the man’s face. There were a few minor wrinkles, but nothing to distract from the handsome features and beautiful eyes. Unconsciously, Kakashi had put his left hand on the man’s knee, holding it tightly. Embarrassed, he loosened his grip, and retracted his hand. He heard a soft chuckle.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” The gentle voice was filled with mirth.

“I have,” Kakashi answered flatly. “Care to explain?” He still wasn’t convinced that it was really Minato in front of him. He had seen the man vanish on Naruto’s birthday. For all he knew, he could be one of Orochimaru’s horrible experiments.

“Well, how do I start… I don’t understand this myself. I woke up one day, in this room. I neither knew who I was nor where I was. I only noticed the tubes sticking out of my arms, and panicked. Apparently, it triggered some kind of mechanism that made Tsunade-sama,” he nodded towards the door, showing Kakashi that he, too, was aware of her presence, “appear and …” Minato paused, he seemed to search for the right words to describe the bizarre story he was hearing. “She said that my body had been saved, but that it was brain dead. I’m sure that you know what the Jutsu I used does to the caster.” He looked at Kakashi, waiting for an affirmation. Kakashi simply nodded. He didn’t trust his brain to form any coherent words. “It seems like Orochimaru-sama found a way to undo the sacrifice the Jutsu entails.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes. It was so like Minato to even be polite to such an enemy of Konoha. “And- you just woke up suddenly?” The story sounded rather unbelievable.

“I’m not sure of the details myself. Tsunade-sama told me her hypothesis. She assumes that I was in a coma since my soul was sealed away, but my body had not died. After the fight against Kaguya, my Edo Tensei body vanished, as you recall. I thought I was finally going to enter the afterlife, but I woke up here. I believe that, instead of entering the afterlife, my soul returned to my body.”

“I see… And when did you wake up?” Kakashi asked tensely. Minato looked down at the hand that gripped his tightly. His eyes turned sad.

“I woke up two weeks after our fight.” The last words had been merely a whisper, laced with guilt. Kakashi was fuming, but he wasn’t angry at Minato. The man had probably tried to protect Naruto from more disappointment by choosing to hide the fact that he returned to the land of the living. Without saying anything else, Kakashi marched to the door, fully intent on giving Tsunade a piece of his mind.

“You had no right! I am the Hokage! It’s my duty to know everything that goes on in this village!” He said in a low voice, anger shining through his accusation. It was rare for him to show emotion openly, but they were talking about Minato’s wellbeing.

“See, I knew that this would happen. You are blinded by your emotions, Kakashi. Otherwise you would see that this was for the best. I knew you would not be able to assess the situation rationally. Think about it, how could I just tell you that your old sensei is alive?” Her gaze softened and she put one hand on his shoulder, in a rare gesture of comfort. “I read the Sandaime’s comments about you. I know that Minato was rather… special to you.”

Kakashi flinched. So he was that transparent after all.

“Also- what would have happened if we had just let Naruto meet his father, only for him to pass away a few days later? Naruto is strong, but I don’t think he is strong enough to see his father die- thrice.”

“You’re right. Please excuse my indiscretion Tsunade-sama. May I ask how you planned to proceed with this situation- now that I am aware of it?”

“I think we both agree that it is necessary to hide his identity for now. Incidentally, I am aware that Naruto recently left the village on a long-time mission. This way we will not find ourselves in the unpleasant situation of lying to him. I assume that we both agree that Haruno Sakura must also be kept in the dark about this, despite being my disciple.”

Kakashi nodded, her words making perfect sense to him. “I completely agree with your assessment. However, I strongly object to holding Minato-sensei here. He is a hero, he needs better treatment.” The protectiveness in his words and voice were undeniable. Tsunade smiled.

“I was thinking the same. I propose that you will take the Yondaime under your wing. It would be best if he could live with you, in case he needed any assisting.”

Kakashi couldn’t believe his ears. He was undeniably overjoyed by the fact that Minato was alive, but he had doubts about his capability to take care of him.

“I object to this proposal. I am incapable of taking care of him, as medicine is not my area of expertise.” He declined politely.

“Nonsense, you don’t need medical knowledge. This was another reason why I only now inform you of the situation. I made sure that he was completely healed. I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”

“That is… nice of you.” Kakashi walked back into the room, eager to see Minato again and ask him what he thought was the best way to proceed.

“Minato-sensei… Lady Tsunade said that you should move in with me, do you agree with this?” Kakashi tried not to sound too eager. There was a wistful smile on Minato’s face.

“I agree… I have nowhere to go…” He looked at the sheets, letting his fingers wander over them aimlessly. Kakashi bit his lip.

“It’s decided then. You are moving in- today.” He sat down on the bed, searching for Minato’s gaze. Minato looked at him, smiling sadly. There were a lot of words he wanted to say, but it would have to wait.


	2. Remorse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minato tries to pretend, Kakashi is helpless

Together with Minato, Kakashi had come up with a list of things Minato needed. Kakashi had sent Pakkun to tell his guards to move Minato’s old belongings to his apartment, where they would reside for the time being. It would be a bit cramped, but he didn’t want to leave Minato in the hospital for even one more minute. He wondered why he looked as malnourished as he did; he was sure that Tsunade wasn’t one to let her patients starve. They went to buy clothes first. Kakashi had wanted to give him his coat, before remembering that everybody would recognize them if he did. He was sure that Minato and him would rather avoid the unwanted attention. He folded it and carried it under his arms, before he went to his apartment to get Minato some clothes, as well as a jumper to shield him from the cold. He stopped at a store to buy a pair of mittens and a wool hat for him, too. Kakashi never wore hats, but Minato looked like he could use one.

When he returned, Minato was sitting on the edge of his bed obediently, as if he hadn’t really moved an inch since Kakashi left.

“Minato-sensei, I got you something to wear, before we go to buy new clothes.”

“Kakashi, you don’t have to call me sensei anymore. After all, you’re the Rokudaime,” Minato laughed. It sounded forced. Kakashi ignored his statement, and handed over the clothes he had brought. To give him some privacy, he left the room and leaned on the wall, waiting for Minato to finish. A short time later, Minato stepped out, seemingly ready leave. The only thing he had with him was the book he had been reading when Kakashi had arrived. It looked almost cute how the clothes were too big for Minato, if he didn’t know the real cause. The blue hat Kakashi had given him made him look livelier.

“First, we will buy clothes and basic utensils like a toothbrush. I don’t think we will need to think of any elaborate disguise,” Kakashi stated. They both knew that the “Because no one will recognize you in your current state” was left unsaid. Minato nodded.

They made their way to the clothing store slowly, as Minato wasn’t used to walking after such a long period of not being able to leave his hospital room. The woman at the store gushed when she saw Kakashi, and eyed Minato intently. Kakashi tried to keep her away from him, afraid that Minato might be overwhelmed by the human contact that he wasn’t used to. Minato handled it rather skillfully, laughing at the right words and retorting to her unnecessary questioning with answers that the persona they made up for him would give. They had decided that Minato should be introduced as a civilian from a nearby town who was a friend of Kakashi. The name they made up for him was Hamasaki Kyoya. After they had bought as many clothes as Minato let him buy (with a generous discount by the charmed shopkeeper), they made their way to Kakashi’s apartment. Kakashi insisted on carrying all the bags, leaving Minato to awkwardly trot behind him.

He made Minato fish out the keys from his pockets, before he pushed the door open with his shoulder and entered. He decided to allocate his office to Minato.

“You can use this room for the time being,” Kakashi put the bags on the ground, showing Minato the room he would be staying in. “There’s no bed here yet, that’s why I will take the couch tonight and you can have my bed, sensei.”

“Ah- that’s okay, I can take the couch, Kakashi.”

“No, I take the couch,” Kakashi left no room for arguments.

He went into the kitchen to find Minato something to eat, only to find out that his fridge was completely empty. All of his shelves and cupboards were empty as well and the dust had started gathering there. He scratched his head, wondering where all his food went. The grocery shopping he went on the week before seemed to be just yesterday.  He went back to Minato’s room- yes, it had become Minato’s room to him.

“Sensei, I’m sorry, it seems like there is nothing edible in my apartment. We could go to the ramen shop downstairs.”

“That’s fine, Kakashi. I am not hungry.” Minato avoided eye contact. Kakashi made a mental note to ask Tsunade about Minato’s eating habits.

“You haven’t eaten anything in hours. Even if you are not hungry, would you want your poor student to eat all alone?” he coaxed.

“I suppose you are right. Although you haven’t been my student for a long time now.”

“You will always be Minato-sensei to me,” Kakashi smiled at him slightly. Maybe he was no longer the man’s student, but for his own sake, too, he would continue to call him sensei. If only to remind himself that he had no chance for anything more than their past relationship as teacher and student. Kakashi took Minato to Ichiraku Ramen, seeing as it was Naruto’s favorite shop. Minato should get used to Naruto’s obsession early on.

“Kakashi-san!” Ayame gushed. Minato looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Kakashi sighed.

“Ayame. Two bowls of Miso-Ramen, please.”

“Right away!”

Kakashi sat down on the chair that was closest to the wall. Minato sat down next to him and turned to face him.

“So Kakashi, she obviously likes you. Are you going to ask her out?”

“No,” he said flatly. “She was my face one time and now she’s like this.”

Minato chuckled. “I’m envious. She got to see your face! “

Kakashi looked away. “I wouldn’t mind if you saw my face. Although you already did.”

“But that was when you were small! Now you’re not cute and pudgy anymore, but all handsome I bet.” Minato grinned.

Kakashi felt the warmth creep into his cheeks, but didn’t reply.

“Here you are, Kakashi-san!” Ayame said enthusiastically.

Two bowls of Miso-Ramen appeared in front of them. They ate their meal in silence. Kakashi wondered if his comment had made Minato uncomfortable. After all, he was his former student, not a friend or confidante. His heart sank when he realized that the man had had no other choice but to go with him, as no one had really asked his opinion on the matter. When they were finished, Kakashi paid, while talking to Ayame for a few minutes. It could never hurt to be nice to her, as she sometimes gave him free bowls of ramen. He just tried to keep it light, not giving her any openings.

Minato and Kakashi walked home in silence. Somehow, Minato was different than he had been before his “death”. He had never been someone who chattered aimlessly or who tried to force conversation, but Kakashi felt that their silence was an uncomfortable one. Finding himself unable to say anything to lighten the mood, he stayed silent. He still had a long way to understanding Minato’s state of mind. Maybe Kakashi had simply gotten used to the idealized version of Minato he had created in his own mind.

“The bathroom is over there, sensei. If you need anything, just call me,” Kakashi offered.

“I will. Thank you.” Minato answered politely.

Kakashi retired to his bedroom to read until Minato was done in the bathroom. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate, he found his thoughts drifting again and again. He couldn’t erase the picture in his head; Minato sitting on the hospital bed, staring blankly ahead. In front of him, Minato acted normal, except for a few moments in which Kakashi caught a glimpse of sadness in his eyes, when he was lost in thought. He pondered on how to get the man to open up to him.

When he heard the bathroom door open and the door to Minato’s room close, he went to brush his teeth. When he grabbed his toothbrush from the glass he kept it in, he noticed that Minato’s lay next to the tap. While brushing his teeth, he went into the kitchen, to get a glass for Minato as well. He also noticed that he hadn’t given Minato a towel. Some host he was; forgetting the most basic of rules. He ran a hand over his face, looking at his tired reflection. He hadn’t felt as exhausted as he did that moment in a long time.

The next morning, he woke up to Minato bustling in the kitchen. Kakashi stood in the doorframe, watching Minato bustle around with a soft smile on his face, before the blonde turned around.

“Morning, Kakashi. I made scrambled eggs with beef, I hope you like it.” Minato laughed heartily. Kakashi’s smile warmed at the man’s expression. The sadness and grief from the day before seemed to have vanished. Back when he was Kushina’s Anbu guard, he saw them laughing with each other, looking at each other lovingly, and eating together. Back then, he wondered if there would ever be someone to make him breakfast and now there was Minato-sensei in his kitchen, preparing breakfast.

“I will,” Kakashi said, before entering the kitchen to get plates and cutlery for their breakfast. He set them on the small living room table. It was a small, square shaped wooden table that was barely used ever since he had been living on his own, as he never had guests over. He took in the shape of his apartment. There were no photos or paintings that gave off a homely vibe. Kakashi decided that his apartment needed to be redecorated so that Minato would feel at home as well… Home, Kakashi scoffed. As if Minato would want to live with him, after Naruto returned from his mission. Still, he would seize the time that had been given to him.

He walked back into the kitchen, looking at the breakfast Minato had prepared. It not only smelled delicious, but looked appealing as well. Kakashi’s mouth watered at the sight. Normally, he always bought a bento to eat in his office. There had never been someone who had cooked for him before. Minato looked relaxed, while he stirred the eggs, one hand on his hips. He had somehow managed to dig out Kakashi’s ancient white apron. He snickered a bit at the bizarre sight of an S-rank Shinobi wearing an apron.  Minato noticed his reaction and pointed at him with his spoon.

“Are you laughing at me?” he asked in mock-annoyance.

“What if I am?”

Minato gasped, “Then I have to punish you for that!” He raised his spoon as if he was going to strike Kakashi with it.

Kakashi quickly ducked, evading the attack. Both men looked at each other, and began to laugh. He hadn’t felt as carefree as he did when he was in Minato’s presence for a long time. Then Kakashi moved closer to Minato who was looking at him questioningly. Unable to stop himself, he wrapped his arms around Minato tightly. Minato didn’t move and Kakashi hoped he hadn’t alienated the man too much. If he wanted to move out on his first day of living together with Kakashi; well he didn’t know what he would do.

“Kakashi?” Minato’s voice was small.

“Minato-sensei,” his voice hitched. “Please, just for one moment…” Kakashi buried his face in the other man’s shoulder. He inhaled his smell, the _proof_ that Minato was there with him and the sadness overwhelmed him. Unwittingly, his eyes watered. He was acutely aware of how Minato must feel the wetness on his skin and shirt. _Pathetic_ , he thought, _a grown man crying over something like this_. He prided himself on being aloof and distanced from his emotions, not letting them rule him, but the bizarreness of having Minato cook breakfast for him was overpowering. If Kakashi hadn’t been as focused as he was on getting his emotions back into order, he would have noticed how Minato’s tears fell on the top of his head.

A minute later, Kakashi retracted his arms and wiped at his eyes. He turned around so his back was facing Minato, not sure how he should proceed. Minato had enough problems of his own and didn’t have to be burdened by Kakashi’s, too.  

“It’s okay Kakashi. If hugging me helps you, you can go ahead. I’m sorry. In fact, I should have been there for you much sooner.” The remorse and guilt was so evident in Minato-sensei’s voice that Kakashi turned around to face him.

“Sensei, you were there for me. You specifically assigned me to Kushina-san so I would be distracted and learn the value of new life, isn’t that right?” He would give anything to make Minato smile again. If only he had controlled himself.

“Yes,” Minato’s eyes hardened. “But in the last four months, I had a lot of time to think. If only I had sat down with you, if only for an hour, maybe things would have been different. I left you alone. All I knew back then was to speak through actions, but I realized that you needed words, not actions.” Minato had put his hands on the kitchen counter, avoiding eye contact.  Kakashi unconsciously followed his thin hand, as it seemed to caress the surface. “I decided that I am going to be there for you now, even if I am sixteen years late.”

If Minato’s words hadn’t been right to a certain extent, Kakashi would feel worse than he already did. Obviously, Minato felt a lot of regret concerning his handling of Kakashi’s situation. It was true that his PTSD would maybe have been less severe if he had had someone to talk to, but he couldn’t blame Minato for that. He would never blame him.

“Maybe,” he conceded. “But the important thing is that you didn’t abandon me. I was no longer in your care. I was a Jounin. I never blamed you for the way you handled things.” It was important to him that Minato understood that there was no resentment on his side.

“Kakashi,” Minato smiled softly. It seemed like Kakashi’s words had their intended effect. “You were always too forgiving for your own good.”

“I don’t think this is a character flaw,” he smiled at Minato.

“It’s not.”

They carried the slightly cold breakfast to the living room table and started eating. Kakashi tried to keep track of how much Minato ate inconspicuously. Minato noticed and looked at him apologetically.

“Kakashi, I will be honest to you from now on, as I have promised. I noticed that you were concerned about my food intake. You are probably wondering why I am as thin as I am now. It’s not that Tsunade-sama treated me badly. The other nurses didn’t either. I only ate enough to survive.”

Kakashi’s eyes widened.  “Minato-sensei, why?” he whispered.

Minato sighed heavily. “I guess it was a way to punish myself. I blamed myself that Kushina died. If only I had taken better care of Obito, Rin and you…. Maybe she would still be alive.” He had started scratching the inside of his forearm.

“Sensei…” He abruptly stood up and walked around the table to put a hand on Minato’s shoulder. He looked down at the man who seemed so childlike with his blue eyes looking up at him, searching for forgiveness and reassurance. “I, too, blamed myself for Obito and Rin’s deaths for many, many years. When you died, it was like the final blow. I could barely function.” He had never talked about his feelings regarding Obito and Rin’s deaths with anyone, but this was Minato-sensei he was talking to: the only person who could possibly understand. “It takes time to heal the wounds and to let go of the guilt. Even now, it still haunts me. But I have learned to accept the past.” His grip tightened, making Minato flinch. “Let me help you heal your wounds, sensei.” He looked at Minato earnestly. He was no good when it came to talking about emotions, but he wouldn’t abandon a man that was in a similar state as him. Minato put his hand on Kakashi’s.

“Why does it feel like you are the teacher and I am the student?” Minato laughed, but it sounded hollow to his ears.

Kakashi didn’t know why, but he had expected the man to be his usual happy and optimistic self. He hadn’t expected him to be marred and scarred by the evens sixteen years ago. He decided to consult Tsunade about how he could try to ease the man’s guilt. He wanted to distract Minato from his dark thoughts, so he proposed that they should take a look around town, so Minato could get reacquainted with it. He sent Pakkun to tell everyone that he would take the day off. It was cold outside so that their breaths turned into small puffs of smoke. The sun was shining and it seemed like a good day to take a walk around town. They walked around in a leisurely pace, stopping here and there to take a closer look at some shops and buying a few snacks on the way. When Kakashi spotted Gai, he grabbed Minato’s arm and tried to make a run for it.

“Kakashi! It’s time for another challenge!” He shouted, making Kakashi shake his head.

“Damn,” he whispered. “I thought we could evade this…” He shot Minato an annoyed look, when he started laughing at Kakashi’s reaction. They had managed to run away from Gai, but he knew that he would have to listen to Gai’s whining the next time the man saw him.

“Gai grew up to become quite a fine young man, ne?”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “You sound like an old geezer, sensei.”

“Maybe that’s because I am.”

Kakashi looked him up and down. “If you’re old, than Tsunade must be ancient,” he drawled.

Minato chuckled nervously looking left and right as if he was afraid the woman would jump out of a shop any moment and hit them for their insolence. “Better not say that out loud, Kakashi…”

They had ended up in a small street that was cut off from the bustling of the main road. Kakashi looked around. He knew that the street was filled with small cafés, often frequented by young couples on dates. He made a motion for Minato to follow him and they walked along the street until they found a café they wanted to enter. It’s sign read “Mokutou”. It was a small café with a rustic interior, most tables and chairs made of wood. They were almost the only ones inside, except a young boy and girl who seemed to be in their teens. The waitress was a young woman who was humming to the relaxing song that was playing inside the café. They sat down at a small table next to the window, leafing through the menu. Kakashi scrunched up his nose when he saw all the varieties of pure sugar the shop offered. At the end, he decided to ask if she could make a plain black coffee.

“What can I get you?” She asked cheerfully. Kakashi shot quick look at Minato, and was satisfied when he saw how the man smiled in return. It seemed like they had made the right choice.

“Just a plain coffee please.”

“Yes, sir! What can I get you?” She turned her attention to Minato.

“One strawberry ice shake, please!” He grinned.

Kakashi grimaced. Who knew that Minato had such a sweet tooth. Even thinking about all the sugar his shake would contain made his teeth ache.

“You certainly have better taste than your boyfriend,” She winked at Minato.

Kakashi froze. She looked at her incredulously. Then he looked at Minato. The man had lowered his gaze to the table, ignoring the whole situation.

“I- Im sorry!” The girl shouted. “I just thought… “ She seemed ready to burst into tears at her mistake.

“That’s fine,” Minato quietly said, still looking at the table.

She got the hint and quickly went to prepare their beverages. Kakashi was kneading his fingers, still being ignored by Minato. He didn’t know how to ease the tension between them, so he looked out of the window, waiting for their beverages to arrive so they could leave. Only five minutes later, the girl set down both of their drinks in front of them.

“These are to go and on the house! I am so sorry misters, I hope you can forgive me!” She babbled. Her eyebrows were furrowed in worry. Kakashi opened his mouth –

“No, I can’t accept that.” Minato stated firmly. “My boyfriend here is treating me,” he winked at Kakashi, who got the hint.

“That’s right. I promised to treat him. He took out his purse, putting the money with a small tip on top of the table.

They both stood up, taking their beverages with them.

“See you next time,” Minato waved to the dumbfounded girl.

When they were outside, Minato turned to him.

“I’m sorry, Kakashi. I just felt like she was beating herself up over it. A little white lie doesn’t hurt, ne?”

“Sure,” Kakashi ground out. He quickly downed his coffee that burned the inside of his mouth and threw the cup away before burying his hands in his pockets. He ignored Minato’s inquiring gaze. That comment had hit a little too close to heart. _He doesn’t know about my feelings_ , Kakashi told himself. There was no need to be upset by such an innocent remark. He noticed how Minato shot him a few worried looks, but he was too annoyed to react to them. He kept his stoic mask in place.

They continued to walk around for half an hour, Minato making remarks about a few buildings or places, only to be rebuffed by Kakashi’s short “Hn,” to everything he talked about. Occasionally, he was graced by a few grunts here and there. Minato sighed.

“Let’s go home, I’m tired.” _I don’t want to put up with this anymore_.

Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. “Sure.”

They walked home in silence, stopping at the bookstore on their way back as Minato wanted to buy a few books to inform himself of the events that had happened in his absence.

“I’m going to the Hokage office. I don’t want Shikamaru to chew off my ear tomorrow,” Kakashi said. Normally he wouldn’t care if Shikamaru or anyone else would scold him for his laziness, but he needed to get out of Minato’s presence.

“That’s fine. Will you be back for dinner? You look like you could eat a bit more.”

Kakashi’s frustration melted a bit, when he saw Minato’s concerned face.

“I will,” he promised. Then he took out his wallet. “Here, take this for groceries.”

“Don’t come back too late, Kakashi!” Minato waved with a smile as Kakashi left. Kakashi waved back. It was kind of a nice thought to think that Minato was waiting for him at… home.

When he came into his office, Shikamaru was sitting in his chair, an annoyed look on his face. He was working on some paperwork, probably left over from the day before. He looked up, when he felt Kakashi’s presence

“About time, Hokage-sama,” the annoyance was easily discernible.

Kakashi looked bored. “Any news?”

“There have been a few sightings of rogue ninja at the border to the Hidden Sand.” Shikamaru handed him the reports the investigating Anbu team had handed in.

“Send in a team with stealth expertise.” He handed the report back to Shikamaru.

Shikamaru stood up to put away the report and Kakashi sat down on his chair.

“I know you are wondering why I was absent both yesterday and today,” Kakashi started. He had decided that he shouldn’t withhold the information from Shikamaru. “The following information I will only tell you because I want to hear your opinion. It has to be kept secret under all conditions.”

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows.

“The Yondaime Hokage has returned to Konoha,” Kakashi folded his hands in front of his face. “In case you were wondering, I will tell Naruto when he comes back. We agreed that he shouldn’t be informed at this time.”

Shikamaru looked at him as if he had grown another head. Then he walked closer to Kakashi, sniffing the air around him. Kakashi shied away.

“Have you been drinking, Hokage-sama?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I only drink sake in the evening.” He denied Shikamaru’s claim. “Wait here,” he said, before opening the heavy door safeguarding all of Konoha’s deepest secrets. He went to get the scroll of the Reaper Seal. When he returned to the room, Shikamaru was organizing the unfilled paperwork. He handed the scroll to Shikamaru wordlessly, waiting for the teen to finish reading it.

“So Yondaime-sama sacrificed his soul to save our village,” he mumbled. “Incredible information…” He was engrossed in the details of the forbidden Jutsu.

“You can read that later. To cut things short, I will give you a brief summary of what happened. The Yondaime’s body was brain dead, but kept on life support. Orochimaru managed to free the captured souls and the Yondaime’s soul returned to his body. He is currently staying with me,” Kakashi added the last sentence casually.

Shikamaru’s eyebrows were raised again. “That sounds rather… farfetched. But I believe you.”

“Well that’s that,” Kakashi smiled at Shikamaru, trying to make him forget that he had been saddled with his paperwork for the day. “My next step was to compensate Yondaime for his heroic deeds. I was wondering on what amount would be enough for honoring his service to Konoha.”

“Did you ask him if that’s what he wants?”

Kakashi frowned. “No, I didn’t. If he doesn’t want to take it, I will just have to force him to accept.”

“The records say that his old apartment was kept empty for the last sixteen years, by order of the Sandaime and Godaime.”

“That’s… good.” Kakashi said flatly. _I don’t want him to leave me._ “I will inform him of this.” He had no intention to do so. “As for the sum, I think…”

In the end they had decided on a rather high sum that was justifiable. By the time they were done discussing all the urgent matters that had amassed during the day, the sun was already setting.

“Shikamaru. What time is it?” Kakashi hoped it wasn’t too late. He was anxious to go home and see how Minato was faring.

“It’s around seven, why?”

“I’m going home now, ja ne!” Kakashi disappeared.

“This Hokage…!” he faintly heart Shikamaru yell.

“I’m home!” He called, taking off his shoes.

“Welcome home,” Minato called back.

Kakashi sniffed the air. It seemed like Minato was still cooking. When Kakashi entered the kitchen, he saw Minato stirring in a large pot, while holding a book in his other hand. He looked at it in concentration. Kakashi decided to take over the stirring. He took the spoon from Minato’s hand, who continued reading the instructions.

“Kakashi, stir this for another minute. I’m looking at the next step.”

Kakashi peeked inside the pot. It seemed like it was tomato sauce. Then he looked at the two plates that were already prepared. There were two large pieces of ham on them.

“I’m sorry that I’m not done yet, I thought you would be coming later,” Minato smiled at him apologetically.

Kakashi smiled back slightly. “This looks delicious.”

Minato nodded absentmindedly. He had begun to fill the plates with potatoes. Kakashi, I bought some wine. Why don’t you take out some glasses and wait until I’m done?”

Kakashi did as he was told. He set the glasses down onto the table and poured the wine. He went to the shelf where Minato had put his newest acquisitions and traced his finger over the title. They were mostly history books and cooking books. Kakashi froze when he saw the last one. He took it out to confirming whether his eyes weren’t betraying him. It was the book he had read after Rin died: How a Shinobi should die. He went to his room to keep it there, before he would dispose of it the next day.

“Dinner is ready,” Minato called him.

“Coming!” Kakashi made his way back to the living room where Minato was already waiting and sat down.

“Itadakimasu!” They both said and started eating.

“This is delicious, Minato-sensei. I never tasted anything like it.” If you looked at it from an objective point of view, it maybe wasn't all that special. The fact that Minato had made dinner specifically for Kakashi made it taste heavenly.

“Haha you charmer. Cooking wasn’t my forte… It was Kushina’s,” he had finished in a whisper.

Kakashi looked at his plate. They continued their dinner in silence. The only noise that was audible was the clinking of cutlery and the clock ticking away on the wall. He had known that Kushina used to cook back when she was pregnant with Naruto, but he didn’t know just how much his sensei would be bothered by his comment. He wanted to help Minato, but he had no idea how to do so.

 


	3. You're not wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your support guys!! I hope you like it. Minato is clueless and Shikamaru learns of Kakashi's feelings..!!

„Minato has always been a gentle but determined child. Jiraiya used to tell me about him. He called him our ‘savior’ and ‘the chosen’ one. He always had faith in him. It’s true that Minato has always been extraordinarily strong-willed. He became Hokage at a very early age after all. That’s why I believe that he will, with your help, recover quickly.”

Kakashi had sought Tsunade out the day after his misstep and asked Tsunade about her opinion regarding Minato’s recovery.

“Tsunade-sama, you say ‘with my help’, but how exactly do I help him?”

Tsunade smiled. “It’s easy Kakashi- just be there for him. I think your presence alone is important to him.”

Kakashi was frustrated by her unhelpfulness. “But there must be a way.”

She sighed, “Listen, I can heal bodies, but not minds. I don’t think we have anyone here in Konoha who has the proper training for that. I can only make assumptions. However, I recommend you to start a new division in the hospital- one for maladies of the mind rather than the body. We live in peaceful times now. When I was Hokage, it was impossible to spare the resources.”

“Very well, Tsunade-sama. I will look into it immediately.” Kakashi was determined to follow through on her suggestion and start funding the training of mind healers.

“Another thing Kakashi, I read the Yondaime’s notes back when I was Hokage. There weren’t a lot of them, as his term of office ended so soon, but he had a large file about you. He knows you well. If you are interested in its contents, you can find them in the sealed room.”

Kakashi had never looked at Minato’s notes before, preferring to work through the other Hokage’s notes first. He had almost finished Tsunade’s notes and protocols, having skipped over Minato’s. It seemed like Tsunade already suspected that he hadn’t read Minato’s notes. She seemed to understand emotions a lot better than him.

“Maybe I will,” he said noncommittally.

Tsunade smiled. “It was interesting. It shows that he cares a great deal about you. I think if the two of you simply talk about your troubles that would work wonders.” Then she glared at him. “I know how you men are, always thinking that things can be solved through fists, instead of words!”

Kakashi didn’t want justify himself. “I’m going, thank you for your input.” He bowed slightly, effectively cutting their conversation short.

Tsunade waved her hand in a dismissing manner. “Good luck.”

He had left Minato, who had practically shoved him out of the door, at home. He needed to get back to work, and Minato claimed that he could occupy himself just fine with the books Kakashi bought for him. Kakashi hoped that Minato wouldn’t be too bored, but the man was right. Even if he finished his books all in one day (very unlikely), he could just go take a walk or visit Kakashi in his office. Kakashi went over the paperwork that needed to be completed, but his thoughts kept drifting off. By noon, he had barely finished half of what he anticipated.

“I’m going for a lunch break!” He called out to the guards outside his door. Without waiting for an answer, he headed to his apartment. When he arrived, he saw Minato sitting in the living room, eating take-out ramen. Minato looked up, when he heard Kakashi enter the room.

“Ah, Kakashi! I’m sorry. I didn’t know if you would come back, you didn’t say anything,” he apologized.

Kakashi took off his coat and scarf and sat down opposite of Minato.

“That’s fine. I wasn’t hungry, anyway.” He smiled at Minato.

“Ah- let me get you a glass at least,” Minato scrambled to get up.

“You go on eating. I’ll get it myself.” Kakashi stood up. Minato seemed to hesitate, but sat back down.

Kakashi went into the kitchen to get a glass and took a bottle of water with him. When he went back to the living room, he saw Minato happily slurping on Ichiraku take-out. Kakashi smiled slightly. Naruto would be proud to see his father enjoying Ichiraku, just like him. Kakashi sat down, pouring Minato another glass of water before pouring water into his own glass.

“Arigatou, Kakashi.” Minato smiled.

“Iie. By the way, you haven’t asked yet, but I know you are interested in what Naruto is doing. He is currently on a three month mission with Uchiha Sasuke, in Uzushiogakure. I sent him there because he got bored in Konoha and I felt it was important to repair his relationship with Sasuke.”

Minato contemplated his words. “But there are only ruins? Although Orochimaru did find the way to free us from the Shinigami’s belly there.”

Kakashi froze. “He did? Then I hope Naruto and Sasuke can salvage anything left there.” _I can’t believe Orochimaru brought Minato back to me.. Iie, Konoha…_

Minato looked at him knowingly. “But that’s not why you wanted to send him there, was it? You wanted him to know about his past, now that it’s not dangerous anymore. Thank you, you were always thinking about what’s best for my son.”

Kakashi’s eyes darkened. He supported his elbows on the table, folding his hands in front of his face.

“No.”

Minato looked at him inquiringly. “What do you mean no?”

Guilt was spreading inside Kakashi, making his heart ache slightly. He forgot that Minato was completely unaware of what happened before the Fourth Shinobi World War. “I did not do what was best for Naruto.” He swallowed tightly and averted his eyes. “Naruto had a terrible childhood. I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t dare to look at Minato.

“What do you mean,” Minato said quietly.

“I-“ Kakashi chocked. It felt like he had a lump in his throat that prevented him from telling Minato the truth. He was deadly afraid of Minato’s reaction and feared that his sensei wouldn’t be able to forgive him. He breathed in deeply, before continuing. “I never really noticed it, until I became Naruto’s sensei. That’s right Minato-sensei. I never went to see Naruto, not even once. I only heard it from his academy teacher later: Naruto had had no friends and became a prankster because of that. His grades were abysmal.” Kakashi still avoided Minato’s gaze. “Minato- he- he was living all alone, drinking expired milk.” He added at last, almost making it sound like the worst part. If the situation wasn’t so serious and sad, Minato might have laughed.

“Tell me you didn’t know, Kakashi.” Minato’s voice was controlled and even.

Kakashi looked up. “I didn’t. I wanted to quit Anbu, but Sandaime said he needed me. I was more often sent on mission than I was in Konoha,” he said honestly.

Minato’s eyebrows were furrowed and he was gripping his chopsticks tightly. They had been snapped in half.

“He didn’t have any friends?”

Kakashi was unable to read Minato’s thoughts. He shook his head.

“To think that Shikaku, Inoichi, Chouza, Mikoto…” He mumbled lowly, looking at his cooling Ramen.

“Shikaku, Inoichi and Mikoto are dead. But I can confirm that none of them visited Naruto.”

Minato pushed his Ramen to the side. He seemed to be immersed in his thoughts, so Kakashi decided to leave the room. He would deal with the repercussions of his own unacceptable behavior in the past later. When he arrived at the doorframe, he heard Minato’s voice.

“Kakashi, how did you feel when you were on those missions?”

Kakashi was silent, but didn’t move to leave the room.

“Kakashi.”

“I wanted to die,” he said in a low voice. He was sure that Minato had heard him. He didn’t wait for Minato’s response and fled to his office. In a way, he thought sarcastically, the return to his apartment had really boosted his work morale. He was able to finish paperwork without further distractions, intent on pushing his conversation with Minato to the back of his mind. When he wanted to leave, he heard someone talking to the guards outside. He stood up to open the door and see what the commotion was about.

“I tell you-I am his friend who is staying with him!” Minato’s voice resounded in the otherwise silent Hokage tower.

“How did you get in here? That’s extremely suspicious!” His guards had readied their Kunai, ready to strike at Minato, who was standing there, looking at them.

Kakashi chose that moment to interrupt.

“Kyoya, what are you doing here? I told you I’d be home by seven,” Kakashi lied. As if he could admit that he had run away like a coward in front of his guards.

“Kakashi,” Minato smiled at him. “I guess I was too impatient.” He laughed.

Kakashi didn’t know whether his laugh was a good sign and meant that Minato had wanted to see him or if he just wanted to chew Kakashi out for his son’s treatment earlier.

“Why don’t you come in, Kyoya?” He gestured to his office.

The Anbu guards looked at the exchange silently. Kakashi was sure that they were wondering how a ‘civilian’ had managed to get into a high security tower. On the other hand, Kakashi didn’t know why Minato didn’t just enter through his window. Kakashi closed the door, when Minato entered.

“Take a seat,” Minato said, motioning to Kakashi’s Hokage chair. He himself sat down opposite of him. There was an indefinable, yet intense look in his eyes.

“We promised each other that we would be honest to each other, didn’t we?” Minato’s voice sounded accusing.

Kakashi stayed silent, not sure what Minato was getting at.

Minato’s stern look softened. “I don’t know what it is, but there must be a reason why you didn’t want to see Naruto.”

Kakashi felt slightly irritated. Why couldn’t Minato just say that he was disappointed in him; that he was an awful person for never visiting Naruto? Why did he have to act so sympathetic?

“Naruto reminded me of the mistakes I made. I wasn’t able to save Obito, I killed Rin and I couldn’t protect you, sensei.” He ground out painfully. “Is that what you wanted to hear?” He had raised his voice, not caring if the Anbu outside could hear him. That Naruto turned out to look like almost an exact copy of his father certainly didn’t help the boy’s case.

He felt himself enveloped in a hug. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear,” Minato’s soothing voice replied.

Kakashi pushed at his chest weakly. “I’m not some little boy that you can tuck under your chin. You can’t tell me that everything will be alright.”

“But it will be. I will make sure of it.” Minato replied, determined.

He wanted to believe Minato- he really did. But he was a bad luck charm, someone that always got the people around him killed in one way or another. He hoped that Minato wouldn’t be a victim of his curse- twice. The people he loved most always died the earliest.

Minato had released him from his arms. Kakashi wished that they could just stay like that forever. He had never felt as protected and safe as he did with Minato.

“Now, please show me the Sandaime’s notes about Naruto.” Minato’s eyes hardened once more, the comforting and soft look gone.

Kakashi stood up and motioned to Minato to follow him. He opened the heavy, metal door and entered. He quickly rummaged through the Sandaime’s notes. Kakashi himself knew almost all of his comments about Naruto by heart. He was appalled by the way Naruto was treated. He wordlessly handed the file over to Minato and left the room to give him privacy. He was sure that he didn’t want to see Minato’s reaction, when he realized how much Naruto had suffered.

He occupied himself with unfinished paperwork once more, patiently waiting for Minato to finish. His stomach rumbled a few times, as it had already become evening, but he patiently waited. Finally, after a few hours, Minato emerged from the room. His face was serious.

“Kakashi, let’s go. I bet you’re hungry.”

Kakashi shrugged his shoulders. “If you want to stay longer, then I will wait.”

“No, I am done for today.” Minato went to the door, waiting for Kakashi to follow him.

They decided to eat Sushi for dinner. While they waited for their food, both were silent. When their food finally arrived, Kakashi poured tea into Minato’s cup. The man had ordered twice the amount of rolls Kakashi had ordered. Kakashi smiled at the thought of Minato finally eating properly again. If he kept it up, he should be back to his normal self in no time.

“Kakashi, I’m sorry that I made you wait so long today. Itadakimasu,” Minato started eating his food.

“It’s nothing. Itadakimasu.” Kakashi ate at a much slower pace than Minato.

When Minato had devoured half of his meal, he paused to drink his tea. He looked at his cup, contemplating.

“I can’t believe I condemned my son to such a fate. I’m a terrible father.”

Kakashi was astonished. Even after everything Minato read about Naruto’s treatment by the villagers, he still blamed himself. “It’s not your fault. You wanted your son to be a hero. And without your sacrifice, we wouldn’t have been able to win the war. You’re a hero, Minato.”

Minato smiled weakly. “If being a hero means making your son’s life miserable and dying in the process, I don’t want to be one.” Then he paused, turning back to his food. “But you’re right. There’s no use thinking about this now. Naruto turned out to be a fine young man and I am proud of him.”

“Naruto was able to prove his worth to everyone. The boy has that effect on people,” Kakashi chuckled.

Minato mustered him, smiling. “I’m glad you like my boy that much.”

Kakashi smiled back. “Well, he is a lot like you.”

Kakashi was relieved that Minato took it all so well, not going on a rampage of revenge against the people who had shunned Naruto. He was proud to be the student of such an extraordinary man. He smiled softly at Minato who was digging into his meal enthusiastically, calling the waitress over to order even more. When Minato was finally done, he rubbed his belly.

“Ugh, I ate so much,” he laughed. “I think we should do some Taijutsu training tomorrow, so I can get into shape again. What do you think?”

“Sure.”

Kakashi paid and they walked home quietly. It was already dark and there were people bustling in the streets. He shot a quick look at Minato who was staring at the sky with his arms crossed behind his head. It almost felt like he was out with a good friend. Then he looked at the sky as well, wistfully. He thought of the time they had just been training and his childish rivalry with Obito. Those days seemed so far away.

Minato went to bed early, saying that he was tired. Kakashi left the man to his own devices and went to bed. He had started a new series of ecchi novels, and looked forward to reading it. His gaze fell on “How a Shinobi should die”, the book he had forgotten to dispose of. He put it on top of his clothes so that he wouldn’t forget again. After an hour of reading, he fell asleep.

When he woke up, Minato had prepared breakfast again. He was already sitting at the table, waiting for Kakashi patiently. There was a bowl of Miso soup for each of them and some grilled fish. Kakashi sat down. Minato greeted him with a warm smile that Kakashi returned.

“I hope you like it.”

“It looks good.” Kakashi had decided to stop talking about Minato’s cooking skills in order to avoid another awkward silence.

While they were eating, Minato occasionally paused to ask him about a few historical events here and there. Kakashi was still trying to talk himself into telling Minato that he could return to his old apartment. He decided to settle on another issue first.

“Minato-sensei, I know that you currently have no money. I talked it over with my advisor, and we agreed to pay you a certain sum for your deeds.”

“Ah- that’s not necessary. It was my duty as Hokage.”

Kakashi had already expected Minato to decline, so he tried blackmailing. “Maybe, but do you want me to pay for everything the whole time? Shouldn’t it be a teacher’s responsibility to treat his student?”

“Haha,” Minato laughed awkwardly, “I guess you’re right. It would be quite embarrassing to be treated by you every day.”

Kakashi omitted the fact that he was willing to spend all of his money on Minato. Kakashi had decided long ago that he would try to help Minato to the best of his abilities- but he would never tell the man of his real feelings.

“That’s settled then. How about we go for that Taijutsu match you mentioned last night?”

Minato laughed. “First we have to wash the dishes. And I never said match, I said practice. I am aware that my physical abilities are inferior to yours at this moment. It would be an uneven match.”

“Practice then,” Kakashi teased and carried the dishes into the kitchen, putting them into the sink. He started washing them, as Minato grabbed the kitchen towel to dry them off.

“Maybe we should test your stamina first. The last one at the training grounds will buy lunch,” Kakashi disappeared through the front door, leaving Minato to stare after him, bewildered.

When Minato arrived, Kakashi was already waiting, leaning on a tree with his arms crossed.

“That sure took a long time,” he drawled.

“Kakashi!” Minato grumbled. “You tricked me. What happened to the cute little boy who listened to his sensei?” He acted as if he was wiping a tear from his eye.

“You’re not my teacher anymore. In fact, I now have a higher rank than you.”

“Oh? Should I call you Hokage-sama?” Minato teased.

“Don’t worry, I will still call you Minato-sensei, if only to make an old man feel better about himself.” Kakashi said in a bored voice.

“Kakashi! Yesterday you said I’m not old!” Minato said indignantly.

“Maybe in comparison to Tsunade-sama. Let’s start. I’m going to block your attacks and we will evaluate your skills.”

Minato punched and kicked against his blocking stance, but tired quickly. Whereas Kakashi barely broke into a sweat, Minato was panting and sweat was running down his face. Kakashi caught one of his hands with his.

“I think that’s enough for today. I have to go my office,” Kakashi said.

“Hah,” Minato panted. “I’m really out of shape. Do you mind if I stay here a bit longer?”

Kakashi shrugged. “No. I’m going now.”

“Are you coming back for lunch?”

“Should I?” Kakashi asked with uncertainty. He felt like he was taking advantage of Minato.

“Yes,” Minato smiled warmly.

“Then I will.” Kakashi shot a lingering look at Minato, who had resumed kicking the training dolls. Kakashi felt the warmth spread in him at the sight. He knew that Minato wasn’t truly his, but for a moment he would let himself pretend that the man was not simply expressing his gratitude, that he actually enjoyed his company.

“I need to talk to Shikamaru,” he told one of his guards.

“Hai,” the guard answered, bowing.

Kakashi often summoned Shikamaru for the matters he found most complicated or important, and this matter was especially delicate: The Yondaime’s return.

“Kakashi-sensei. You called for me?” Shikamaru sounded bored as always.

“Shikamaru. Sit down please, I need your opinion.” Kakashi looked out of the window, to where Minato would be.

“Last time you told me about the Yondaime being alive. Does it have to do with that again?”

“Just as sharp as always,” Kakashi replied. He turned his attention to Shikamaru.

“You know that his existence is a secret at the moment, but I thought of reintroducing him to the village. He should receive the respect that he deserves.”

Shikamaru scratched his head. “It would be hard to explain. Don’t you think it’s better if his existence is only revealed to a select few?”

“I thought about that as well. However, and these are my personal feelings speaking now, he sacrificed so much for this village that I can’t leave it like this.”

Shikamaru’s eyes dropped. “You told him, didn’t you?” There was a slightly shameful note to his voice.

“I did.”

“And how did he react?” Shikamaru sounded slightly anxious. It was Naruto’s father they were talking about, after all. No parent would take lightly to Naruto’s treatment.

“He blamed himself.” Kakashi said casually.

Shikamaru looked shocked, and then he smirked. “His heart is just as good as Naruto’s. Unbelievable.”

Kakashi smiled at Shikamaru’s admission. “Yes,” he returned to the original topic, “Do you see now why it’s important to me? The man lost his wife and missed sixteen years of his son’s life…” As Kakashi spoke the words out loud that he had turned around in his head, he distinctly became aware of the implications. The man had lost everything. Shikamaru seemed to think along the same lines, as his face turned sympathetic.

“I like your sense of justice, Kakashi-sensei. However, I propose that you talk this matter over with Yondaime-sama himself, as he used to be Hokage and has more experience than me.”

Kakashi sighed. “You’re right. I shouldn’t keep making decisions over his head. That would be unfair to him. But, I feel like I want to take the burden off his shoulders and not involve him in these political matters.”

Shikamaru’s eyes widened, before he quickly composed himself. “I see. That’s noble of you. There is no shame in wanting to be happy,” he said enigmatically.

Kakashi was distinctly made aware of the fact that he had revealed too much. Shikamaru had seen right through him.

“Is that so? Sometimes you have to think about what you want and what is right.”

“That may be true, but I don’t think you’re wrong.”

“I think I am. Thank you for your opinion Shikamaru, helpful as always. Dismissed.”

Shikamaru nodded, leaving Kakashi’s office. Kakashi sighed in annoyance. He would have to be more careful when it came to talking about Minato. Tsunade and Shikamaru had seen right through him. His Anbu guards hadn’t asked him who Minato was, but he was sure that they had heard his outburst last time. He explained the situation to them and made them swear they wouldn’t tell. At noon, he headed home for lunch and to talk to Minato about his ‘return’ to the village.

“Tadaima.”

“Okaeri, Kakashi! Come here and help me.”

Kakashi obediently walked into the kitchen.

“How can I help?” He stopped behind Minato, peeking over his shoulder.

Minato turned his head to the side. “Oh, just take care of the dishes. I’m almost finished. Now shoo,” Minato waved his hand dismissively.

“Hai.” Kakashi took out the plates and cutlery, setting them on the table. Minato followed soon afterwards, setting their food on the table. It was curry rice.

“I hope it’s edible, it’s the first time I made this…” Minato looked at him apologetically.

“Oh, so I’m your guinea pig, huh?” Kakashi pretended to be hurt. “Well, then I’m going to try it! If you poison me, I hope you can take me to the hospital fast enough.”

“It can’t be that bad.” Minato pouted. “Somehow I feel like I am the Hokage’s wife, trying out new recipes on him hahaha.” Minato seemed to be reminiscing.

Kakashi’s eyes darkened, but he didn’t reply.

“I’m sorry if I offended you, I mean I-“ Minato laughed awkwardly. “I didn’t mean to imply that you should get a girlfriend. It’s perfectly okay if you want to stay single, I-“

“It’s fine.” Kakashi interrupted him. “How about we head out tonight? Maybe go to a bar?”

“Yes, that sounds good, but I hope you’re not doing this because of my thoughtless comment?”

“I’m not.” Kakashi decided that if Minato wanted to see him flirt with a girl, then he could.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally some sex! Kakashi and Minato head to a bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so finally my slow build amounts to something.

„Is there any place you want to go in particular, sensei?“ Kakashi asked, drying the last plate.

Minato was leaning against the counter with his back. “Nowhere in particular. I rarely went to bars. I don’t think the few I went to will still be there, anyway.”

“That’s fine,” Kakashi assured him, “We can just go to the one I normally go to.”

Minato grinned. “That sounds good! A men’s night out, that’s going to be fun!”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “You never went out with your friends?”

Minato fidgeted a bit. “Well, Kushina didn’t like it, so no. I only went to bars, when I was on missions.”

“Pretty whipped, huh”, Kakashi mumbled to himself.

“Hey, I heard that!” Minato said indignantly.

“I said I like whipped cream.” Kakashi responded monotonously.

Minato looked at him unbelievingly. “No way. You don’t look like someone who likes sweets.”

“Well, sensei” Kakashi donned a fake smile, “There are a lot of things you don’t know yet.”

“So I better find out, huh?” Minato grinned back. “Wait- last time you ordered a black coffee! Tell me what you really said,” Minato cried.

Kakashi’s heart warmed at the thought of Minato putting an effort into getting to know him. The little time that Minato had been staying with him already showed him that there were a lot more secrets to be uncovered when it came to Minato as well. Minato was not a secretive person per se: he just omitted some things or never mentioned them. He chuckled a bit at the thought of Kushina having such a tight leash on Minato, feeling a bit sorry for him. He could never imagine being in a relationship like that himself. Even when he was small, his father had never been particularly strict with him. He had trusted his son’s judgment and let him do as he pleased. When his father was dead, there was no one he had to report to anymore.

“I’m just going to change clothes. One moment.” Kakashi went to his room, putting on his turtleneck black sweater and blue pants. After he carefully put his forehead protector onto his desk, he left his room and went looking for Minato, who was sitting on the couch, scribbling into a small notebook. When he noticed Kakashi’s presence, he put the notebook into his right pocket, along with the pen and stood up.

“Kakashi, are you ready?” Minato asked.

“Sure, let’s go.” Kakashi put his simple black coat on, opened the door before he put his hands into his pockets and then leisurely walked down the stairs. At the bottom, he waited for Minato. “It’s not too far from here,” he said.

“Okay, I’m curious.” Minato smiled.

Kakashi let Minato, who had his arms crossed behind his back, walk in front of him, taking in the sight of all the buildings and people they were walking by. He looked at Minato’s appearance. His teacher had always been on the lean side, but never thin or unhealthy. Even now, when he was emaciated, he still looked infinitely handsome. His blonde hair defied gravity as always, and looked shiny. Kakashi wished he could run his hand through it. He felt a slight stirring in his pants.

“You’re so slow, Kakashi,” Minato called.

Kakashi noticed that he had indeed slowed down considerably and picked up his pace. “Turn to the left now,” Kakashi instructed.

Minato did as he was told, walking into the small alley. There were signs on both sides of it; tall buildings making the alley look somewhat dark, although it wasn’t too late. He waited for Kakashi.

“So this is where you guys go to, huh?” Minato looked around. “Which one is it?” He smiled at Kakashi.

“It’s the one with the blue sign.” Kakashi gestured straight ahead. His former teacher’s excitement lifted his own mood as well. He opened the door for Minato, before walking in himself. He briefly looked around to check if there was someone he knew, although the bar was mostly empty. His eyes fell on Yamato.

“Yo!” He lifted his hand in greeting, when Yamato made eye contact.

“Senpai,” Yamato nodded. He was sitting at a large table with some of his old ANBU colleagues. The other two greeted him as well, being acquaintances of Kakashi.

“Do you mind if we join you?” Kakashi asked. He figured it would be good for Minato to spend some time with people other than him, let him get reacquainted to social life in Konoha. He sure hoped that Minato would stay in Konoha.

Yamato looked around, seeing if someone disagreed. When no one said anything, he shrugged his shoulders. Kakashi pulled out a chair next to Yamato, seeing Minato do the same. Minato looked a bit more serious than he did before they came, but didn’t seem to be discontent.

“Let me introduce my friend,” Kakashi gestured towards Minato. “This is Hamasaki Kyoya, he’s here to visit me for some time.” He smiled at Minato, who in turn smiled amicably at everyone else at the table. The others nodded, only Yamato smiled back. Kakashi snickered inwardly. If they knew who was sitting before them, they would have an entirely different reaction.

“So, what are you having Kyoya?” Kakashi addressed Minato.

“I don’t know, the same as you,” Minato shrugged helplessly. He probably didn’t know what you would normally order on a bar night out with guy friends, so he relied on Kakashi to make the choice for him.

“Sure.” Kakashi called the waiter over. “Some sake for me and my friend please,” he placed his order.

The others were all drinking sake as well, used to the high alcohol percentage already. During the small time frame ANBU had time off, they liked to drown their sorrows in brothels or, the tamer version, alcohol. Although all of them were no longer ANBU, the habit had stuck with them. Kakashi had never been one to go drinking regularly, but Minato’s comment made him want to prove that he had a social life, thank you very much (even if he didn’t). He hoped that Minato wouldn’t get drunk too easily, what would he do if Minato was defenseless-

“So, Kakashi, what’s it like to be Hokage?” one of the other retired ANBU, Daisuke, asked. He was a brown-haired man with a lithe build.

“He probably gets all the women,” Eiji said enviously. The black-haired man used to have the same height and build as Kakashi, before he started training Genin and filled out somewhat.

“If that’s what you’re into,” Hiro snickered, eyeing Minato. He was a slender man, on the smaller side, with dirty blond-hair and green eyes. He had been making passes at Kakashi when they were still in ANBU, but Kakashi had never shown any interest.

“Right. Enough talk about me,” Kakashi interjected, annoyed by Hiro’s remark. He shot Minato a brief look and hoped that he didn’t get the insinuation. Hiro probably thought that he and Minato were together. His guess was not far off, after all his preferences were: tall and blond.

“Yea, enough about Kakashi,” Daisuke quickly said. He noticed Kakashi’s discomfort. “Kyoya, why don’t you tell us about yourself?” He tried to include Minato into their conversation.

“Ah, gladly. I’ve been a friend of Kakashi for a long time, but we hardly see each other. We met, when he was on a mission in our small village. My life isn’t terribly exciting. I spend most days in my bookshop.”

“Bookshop, huh” Hiro laughed. “So Kakashi was buying porn at your shop.”

“They aren’t porn,” Kakashi interjected indignantly, “They are romance.”

“Sure,” Hiro rolled his eyes.

The others started telling Minato about Konoha and how peaceful (boring) it had become as of late. Kakashi stole glance at Yamato, who was looking at Minato with furrowed brows. He looked slightly suspicious, as if he didn’t believe the story Minato had just told them. He wasn’t surprised, after all Yamato had known Kakashi for almost as long as Minato and he also knew that Kakashi didn’t have friends and spent almost all of his free time alone, since visiting a memorial stone could hardly count as socializing. The others didn’t know him as well as Yamato did, so there was no reason for them not to believe what Minato said.

“So senpai,” Yamato turned his attention to Kakashi. “I heard we get a holiday on which we celebrate Team seven’s victory during the Fourth Shinobi World War,” Yamato remarked offhandedly.

“Sure. A new reason to celebrate is always welcome, isn’t it?” Kakashi answered mischievously. He wasn’t fooling Yamato. The man had guessed the real reason behind that charade, but he didn’t disapprove openly. Yamato never liked Sasuke particularly much.

“To our Hokage, who gives us new holidays!” Eiji lifted his cup. Everyone did the same.

“To our Hokage,” everyone but Kakashi and Minato chorused.

The evening was spent with idle chatter and meaningless topics and Kakashi grew bored quickly. He wasn’t one who enjoyed the company of others for prolonged periods of time, but he didn’t want to appear anti-social in front of Minato. Most of all he didn’t want to cut Minato’s time with other people short. Kakashi’s free time was limited and Minato knew no one in the village, so he wanted the man to be able to socialize for as long as he could (or until Kakashi could no longer stand it). It seemed as if Minato had a lot to catch up on as well. He was no fool, though, as he knew that Minato wouldn’t be interested in these men’s company normally- Yamato excluded.

“Senpai,” Yamato’s low voice resounded, right next to his ear. “This man, who is he?”

Kakashi looked at Minato, who was laughing at something Daisuke had said. “My boyfriend,” Kakashi replied, his tone serious.

Yamato rolled his eyes. “He’s not. It’s just… he seems familiar to me.” There was a slight frustrated tone to his voice- as if he thought that he should know Minato. He couldn’t blame him, after all Minato was a well-known person. “Besides, you never had a boyfriend,” Yamato deadpanned.

“Jealous?” Kakashi teased.

“You wish,” Yamato said.

“Maybe I do wish that you were,” Kakashi flirted.

“Whatever,” Yamato said, deciding he had enough of Kakashi’s antics.

Kakashi smiled slightly, loving the way Yamato, with his serious nature, was riled up easily.

“I’m a bit tired,” Minato said, putting a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder.

Kakashi noticed that Minato’s cheeks were a bright red and his ears were tinted red as well.

“I think I’m going to take him home,” Kakashi announced.

“Have fun with your boyfriend,” Hiro winked.

“I will,” Kakashi said curtly, not bothering to correct him. Then he looked at Yamato. “Ja, see you tomorrow.” He waved to everyone, raking Minato’s right arm on his shoulder.

“Wait,” Yamato said, “I’m going home, too.” He put some money on the table, following Kakashi outside. “He can’t hold his liquor, huh?” Yamato gestured to Minato.

“No,” Kakashi said, indicating that the topic was over.

“You know Kakashi, I think your ‘boyfriend’ is good for you. I rarely see you smile like this.” Yamato commented.

“And why should I smile?” Kakashi retorted.

“Why shouldn’t you?” Yamato asked back. “It’s not wrong to crave for some happiness.” Yamato looked at Minato, mustering him slightly. “Well, that’s it for me. Tomorrow you have to handle the faming contracts from neighboring towns- they are getting hot.”

Kakashi scowled. “Thanks for reminding me,” he said sarcastically.

Yamato saluted, and turned right on the next corner.

Kakashi saw how Minato was walking unsteadily. “You drank too much, sensei,” Kakashi chided him.

He didn’t tell Minato to stop drinking in front of the others; it would be unusual to tell a grown man such a thing. Kakashi knew how much he could drink and it was a lot more than Minato could stomach. Still, he felt slightly intoxicated as well, not a strong drinker himself.

“Ugh, I think so, too,” Minato said shakily.

“Don’t throw up on me,” Kakashi pleaded.

“I won’t,” Minato replied slowly. “Your friend was nice,” he remarked.

They made their way to Kakashi’s apartment slowly, Minato supported by Kakashi. Minato was swaying slightly while they were walking. His right hand was holding onto Kakashi’s right hand and Kakashi found it oddly comforting. There was nothing romantic about the way he was holding Minato or the way Minato clung to him in his drunken stupor, but Kakashi knew that he wasn’t averse to the touch. He normally minimized interactions with other people, never staying the night when he had one night stands, but Minato made him crave more. While others made his skin crawl when they touched him, Minato had always been special. He rubbed his thumb over Minato’s hand, reveling in the fact that he could touch the man freely, without repercussions. Minato was so drunk; he wouldn’t remember a small detail like this. He memorized the slightly calloused skin, mapping his bones and veins. It was such a mundane thing, but to Kakashi it was rewarding. Any other time he would feel odd and guilty for taking advantage of Minato’s state like that, but his mind was hazy from the influence of alcohol and his judgment was clouded. His cheeks were tingling in the cold.

When they finally arrived at Kakashi’ (and Minato’s) apartment, Kakashi let Minato lean onto the doorframe, to fish out his keys from his pocket, unlocking the door for them. He put Minato’s arm around his shoulders once more, and led him to his room. He pushed Minato onto the bed, unbuttoning his coat, before moving to his shirt. He undid the buttons one by one, enjoying the feeling of being close to Minato. When it was fully open, he slid it from Minato’s frame. Minato was mumbling something incoherent, looking at Kakashi with unfocused eyes. Kakashi undid the button on Minato’s pants, and slid them off his legs. He let his hand wander over Minato’s thigh, one finger slipping beneath the hem of his boxers. He quickly caught himself, stood up and rummaged through the wardrobe to find a t-shirt for Minato. He took a simple black shirt, and slipped it over Minato’s head. Minato was looking at him intently, a hazy look in his eyes. Kakashi caressed the skin on Minato’s stomach unconsciously, reveling in the warmth.

“What are you doing?” Minato asked huskily.

“Just lay back,” Kakashi whispered.

He straddled Minato’s hips and leaned down to capture the man’s lips in a kiss. Minato was unresponsive at first and Kakashi pulled his mouth away, a sinking feeling in his stomach. Before he could sit up again, Minato had caught his chin in a bruising grip, pulling his lips onto his once more. The other hand was tangled in Kakashi’s hair, tugging on it slightly. He pushed his tongue into Kakashi’s mouth. Kakashi responded eagerly, his mind not fully processing what was happening. The possibility of Minato truly kissing him seemed too unreal, so he wrote it off as a dream.

“Kakashi,” Minato growled. “You’re mine.”

“Yes,” Kakashi agreed. “I’m yours,” he smiled softly.

Minato took off Kakashi’s shirt, exposing the upper part of his body to the cold air. When the cold air hit Kakashi, he realized what they were doing. Hurriedly, he tried to move away from Minato, ashamed of his actions. He had taken advantage of his former teacher! But Minato didn’t let him move away- instead he gripped Kakashi by the arms, holding him down. Kakashi tried to move against Minato’s grip half-heartedly, but he felt so comfortable with Minato above him, so safe and wanted- he didn’t have it in him to throw the other man off. There was no strength in him that wanted to support his rational thoughts in denying him what he wanted so desperately. Minato planted soft kisses onto his chest, occasionally nibbling on the skin, even biting it softly a few times. Kakashi was lost in the sensation, writhing beneath Minato.

He distantly noticed how his pants were pulled off his hips, while Minato continued to shower him with soft kisses. He moaned slightly, overwhelmed by the feeling. When he did it with other partners, they mostly got down to business and didn’t take so much time for foreplay. Minato’s tongue swirled around his belly button.

“Ah, that’s good,” Kakashi gasped. He shuddered, when Minato’s mouth moved even lower. Before it could reach his member, he pulled Minato’s face back up.

“Kiss me,” he demanded shyly.

Minato smiled his reassuring smile and kissed Kakashi on the corner of his mouth. Kakashi grew bolder, and turned them around, so Minato was lying on his back. He stood up and reached into his desk’s drawer and pulled out a small bottle of lube. He kept it there and took it out when he went on missions. He saw how Minato’s eyes followed his hand’s movements, as he opened the cap and poured a generous amount on his hand. Then he reached behind himself, inserting his fingers into his entrance. Minato looked around curiously, seemingly intrigued by what Kakashi was doing. There was a slight pang of shame in Kakashi, which he immediately pushed back into his mind.

He concentrated on preparing himself for Minato. He moved the fingers in and out of himself, enjoying the feeling of friction and stretching that made his nerves tingle. Minato’s erection was sizeable and he hoped that it wouldn’t hurt too much. When he felt ready, he slowly positioned himself over Minato’s erection, holding it with one hand, sinking down on it. He hissed slightly, as it breached his tight ring of muscles. He heard Minato hiss as well, probably from the overwhelming feeling of tightness. He noticed how he tightened up further at the intrusion and willed himself to relax. When Minato was finally inside of him and Kakashi felt his ass touching Minato’s thighs, he looked into Minato’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for- approval? Acceptance? Reassurance? There was an undefined look in Minato’s eyes. Kakashi put Minato’s hands on his hips, and started moving, his hands clutching the sheets next to Minato’s chest. He closed his eyes, trying to enjoy the feeling, rather than thinking of the implications of what they were doing. No, in that moment he simply shut out his rational thoughts.

Minato grew impatient with Kakashi’s slow movements, so he clutched Kakashi’s hips and lifted him up and down on his erection. Kakashi leaned forward, small moans escaping his mouth, while he kept his eyes closed. He heard how Minato’s breathing grew ragged, probably due to exertion. He wasn’t back to his normal physical strength yet. He barely registered how Minato flipped them over and put Kakashi’s legs around his hips. Kakashi got the hint and crossed them behind Minato’s ass, pushing him deeper into him. Minato leaned forward and bit his collarbone. Aroused by the slight pain, Kakashi started pumping his erection, trying to stroke himself to completion. Minato’s thrusts were strong and relentless, his balls slapping against Kakashi’s ass soundly. Kakashi felt himself coming undone and came on his chest. He let his hands fall to the side, enjoying the afterglow. Minato was still pounding into him, but came shortly afterwards. He collapsed on Kakashi’s chest, hiding his face on Kakashi’s shoulder. Kakashi felt a few strands tickle his nose. After a few moments, Minato slipped out of Kakashi and rolled to the side. There was some semen dripping out of Kakashi, soiling the sheets.

Neither of them said a word, but Kakashi knew that Minato hadn’t fallen asleep, judging by his fast breathing. He stole a look at Minato and saw that the man had his eyes closed and was sweating profusely. It seemed like his stamina was still bad, after all. Kakashi stood up and went into the bathroom, getting some tissues to clean the both of them. He wiped Minato’s limp member with one of them, before covering the man with a blanket. Minato seemed to have fallen asleep. Kakashi looked at him for a long moment, yearning but resigned- his hand outstretched toward Minato’s face. He let it drop and then went into the bathroom. He took a scalding shower, scrubbing off the remainder of their coupling. His skin burned, but he needed to feel the discomfort. There was a smoldering feeling inside of him, a feeling of love and belonging, but he knew that he had taken advantage of Minato. He wished that they could repeat what they had just done, but if Minato remembered ( _please, make him forget_ ), then Kakashi wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye. If he assessed their situation objectively, it seemed as if Kakashi had lured Minato into a bar to make him get drunk and then seduce him- which wasn’t his intention at all. He was appalled at his lack of self-restraint.

When his skin was already pink from the heat raining down on it, he finally turned off the water took a towel and dried himself off. He went into his room as if in a trance, still lost in thoughts. How could he face Minato after this? There was no questioning as to what happened- there were slight stains on Minato’s blanket. Kakashi went to his drawer and took out a black shirt, pulling it over his head. He slipped on some boxers and laid down on his bed, his comforter pulled to his nose. He stared at the ceiling silently. It seemed so oppressive, the smallness of his room. For the longest time he was unable to fall asleep, even when he willed his thoughts away. If he strained his head a bit, he could see the photos of both team seven’s smiling faces looking at him. He got up and took the picture of Team Minato into his hands. A single tear slipped down his face. He traced the contours of Obito’s face, then of Rin’s and finally his index finger stopped over Minato’s face. He let his finger wander over it absentmindedly. Fate had been smiling at him; he had gotten Minato back after sixteen long years of solitude. Had he lost him again? A fate worse than having to endure Minato’s death again, would be to see Minato looking at him in disgust or worse- disappointment. Kakashi curled himself into a ball, pulling the comforter over his head. He fell into a restless sleep.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi notices a few things about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit short ( a lot shorter than my chapters normally are ) , but I wanted to cut it there.

When Kakashi woke up, he felt disoriented for a moment and slightly nauseated. Then the events of the night before came crashing down on him- skin on skin, sweating, moans- he buried his face in his pillow. Minato had been drunk and could barely walk and then Kakashi had changed his clothes and… touched Minato’s stomach. For no reason at all (other than to marvel at the skin that he had never touched before). Minato had been too drunk to process what had happened properly and his body probably reacted because he hadn’t gotten laid in… at least seventeen years. While he still hoped that Minato wouldn’t remember, another part of him, the tiniest part buried in the back of his mind, wanted Minato to remember, and maybe, just maybe, accept him.

He inhaled deeply, before getting up and putting on his clothes. He decided to head to work first and talk to Minato at lunch, since he needed at least another few hours to mentally prepare himself and consider all possible outcomes of their conversation, he was most definitely not running away from Minato. He started working on the contracts Yamato had mentioned the night before, if only to get the man off his back. He didn’t really feel like arguing about petty paperwork while his mind was in turmoil.

By noon, he had finished all contracts and actually started thinking about the soon-to-be implemented holiday he had ordered Shikamaru to come up with, since he was too lazy to continue with regular paperwork. He contemplated giving Sasuke a pimple right on the bridge of his nose in the picture that would be printed in schoolbooks, before he decided that it was childish and just drew a caricature of Naruto and Sasuke fighting. He smiled a little at the thought of his former students, who were hopefully getting along well, unlike the SD figures he had drawn.

“Hokage-sama,” one of the guards outside said.

“Yes?”

“Tsunade-sama wants to know whether you considered moving the patients.”

“Tell her I’ll go to the hospital after work,” Kakashi commanded.

“Hai,” the guard answered and left.

Truth to be told, Kakashi had completely forgotten about the patients’ cases he should be revisiting. He felt the guilt well up inside him, after all he had insisted on Minato getting released right away, while the other patients were still where he left them. He went looking for the files that documented the illnesses in the secret ward of the hospital. Some of them were gruesome- a man that kept sprouting random leaves or twigs out of his body (a failed mokuton experiment) and others were simply sad- a woman who had gone insane after her husband killed their son.

He made the other guard bring him lunch. Originally, he had wanted to muster up the courage to go talk to Minato, to be ‘honest with each other’ as the blond had put it, but at the last moment he felt his resolve fade. There was always dinner time, right? A little postponement couldn’t hurt… too much.

When dinner time rolled around, Kakashi decided to head to the hospital. He entered through a window once again, trying to avoid all acquaintances that could possibly want to talk to him.

“Tsunade-sama,” Kakashi greeted.

“Kakashi, have you looked at the files?” Tsunade asked him with a stern look.

“I did. I’m sorry that it took so long,” he apologized and handed her a piece of paper.

“I get that you were distracted now that the Yondaime is back, but your life can’t revolve around him only. What is this?” She looked at the paper.

Kakashi was a bit annoyed at her scolding. It wasn’t like his life only revolved around Minato…

“I decided to fund the building of a small house which would be the new home for the tenants of the secret ward.”

“That’s good.” Tsunade simply said.

“If that’s all, I’ll be taking my leave.” Kakashi walked towards the window.

“You always leave through the window,” she remarked.

“It’s faster this way,” he explained.

“You mean because you don’t have to make small talk?” She asked sarcastically.

“That’s one way to see it,” he answered noncommittally.

“It’s not bad to make small talk once in a while.”

“I do.” Kakashi replied curtly, annoyed by her prying.

“Don’t expect too much of the Yondaime, he is only human. You can rely on other people too.”

“I don’t expect anything and if you must know, last night I met a few of my former colleagues.” Kakashi didn’t know why he was explaining himself, but he needed to make sure Tsunade understood that he wasn’t putting expectations on Minato. He needed to know it himself, too.

“If you think so,” she answered, an unconvinced look in her eyes, “I have to go back to work.” She left and shut the door behind her.

Kakashi felt disgruntled by her prying, but pushed her words to the back of his mind. When he checked the time, he noticed that it was already late. Minato had probably already eaten. Kakashi headed home with a sinking feeling, aware that he couldn’t and _shouldn’t_ avoid Minato forever. When he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was a delicious smell filling his nostrils. It seemed as if Minato had cooked again. He went to the kitchen, to find it impeccably clean and saw a small bowl sitting atop the stove. It was grilled fish with rice and some kind of sauce. Kakashi was moved by the fact that Minato still cooked for him. The second thing he noticed was that Minato seemed to be out, so he probably went for a walk.

Kakashi leaned against the counter as he ate and contemplated what this gesture could mean. He came up with several things: Minato didn’t remember what happened and everything was back to normal; Kakashi would forget what happened, too. Minato didn’t remember, but was not too happy that he hadn’t shown up for either lunch or dinner. Both options were bearable. Then he thought of the options that he dreaded. It was possible that Minato remembered, was disappointed and this was his way of saying goodbye. Even worse, Minato remembered and was angry and would come back any moment to tell him that he would move out the next day.

Defeated, Kakashi tried to distract himself by looking out of the window, watching the darkened sky lit faintly by moonlight. When he was done with eating, he washed the bowl and his chopsticks and took a shower. He sighed softly when the hot water hit his skin. It felt good to be distracted once more, even if it was only by the water hitting his skin. But when he closed his eyes, he could almost feel Minato’s hands on him and pretend that it was real. For a moment, he let himself wallow in the feeling. When he came out of the shower and went back to his room, his heart sank. The cold reality hit him once more. Minato still wasn’t home. Kakashi felt slightly worried, but knew that his former sensei was capable of defending himself against a common robber or thief. Still, he felt uneasy at the thought of Minato being outside alone, and so he resolved to go out and look for Minato, if the man wasn’t back within an hour.

He distracted himself by reading one of his old Icha Icha volumes (he had probably read it already five times). Half an hour later, he heard the front door click open. He sat up straight and perked up his ears, trying to discern what Minato was doing. Kakashi half-expected Minato to attempt to talk to him, as that was what he seemed to be doing lately, but he didn’t. The blond walked right past his door and Kakashi released the breath he had been holding. Somehow, he felt a tiny pang of disappointment in his heart. Hadn’t Minato said that he would be there for him? Then Kakashi realized it. Tsunade had been right; Kakashi had expected Minato to make everything all right again, when he had his own problems. Kakashi became painfully aware of how dependent he had become.

 _It’s like I need Minato to be happy_ …

Kakashi decided to keep to himself if Minato wasn’t in the mood to talk and brushed his teeth, before going to bed early. When he woke up, it seemed as if Minato was still sleeping. Kakashi headed to his office as always and started doing paperwork as always. Sometimes, he wondered if he should find someone like Shizune who would motivate him when the need arose, but then he could barely tolerate meeting people in his free time. If someone was breathing down his neck constantly, it would probably be more of a hindrance than help.

When lunch time rolled around, Kakashi was getting ready to go back home, intent on setting their differences aside by any means possible. His plans were thwarted, when Minato himself appeared at Kakashi’s office.

“Kakashi,” Minato said cheerfully.

“Minato-sensei,” Kakashi tried to appear unaffected.

“I’ve brought lunch,” he held up two plastic bags. “It’s from that ramen stand you showed me last time.”

Kakashi smiled slightly. “Thanks,” he said. The unresolved issue between them was momentarily forgotten.

“Here,” Minato handed him one of the bags.

They ate in silence. Kakashi didn’t know how to approach the subject and Minato didn’t broach it. Finally, Minato broke the silence.

“About the night after we went to the bar,” Minato avoided eye contact. “I wanted to ask you what happened.” He started playing with his chopsticks. “I can’t remember anything clearly, only snippets.” He finally looked at Kakashi. “Say, did I do anything inappropriate?” There was a worried tone to his voice.

“You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Why do you avoid me, then?” Minato asked.

“What makes you think that it was you who did something inappropriate?” Kakashi asked in return.

“So you did? That’s fine, don’t worry about it. After all, we were both drunk. You probably mistook me for someone else,” Minato smiled reassuringly.

“I wasn’t that drunk,” Kakashi confessed. “And there is no one else I could mistake you for.” He added dryly. Who else was there?

“What are you saying?” Minato asked guardedly.

“I forgot to tell you that you can move back to your old apartment, your things should still be there. It was kept empty for the last seventeen years.” Kakashi changed the topic.

“That’s not what I was asking,” Minato replied.

“But that’s what I am saying.” Kakashi said nonchalantly.

“Didn’t we promise to talk about everything?” Minato accused.

“Maybe,” Kakashi retorted noncommittally.

“I think we did.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you think happened that night and then we talk about it? I’m sure we can sort I out” Kakashi suggested, trying to downplay the words he said before.

“I just know that you were changing my clothes and the next thing I know is,” Minato blushed slightly, “Ah, you know what I mean.”

“I don’t,” Kakashi played dumb.

“You do know!” Minato’s cheeks were still flushed.

Kakashi turned around again, facing the window. He was unable to look at Minato any longer; the man that he couldn’t have. Minato’s reaction to his words told him all he needed to know.

“Will you go back to your old apartment?” Kakashi asked.

“Should I? It’s been so long and there are… memories,” Minato trailed off.

“It wasn’t an accident. I took advantage of your state,” Kakashi finally confessed.

“I think it was me who took advantage of you,” Minato said firmly, “After all, I haven’t been able to relieve my… needs for a long time now.”

“Is that really what you think happened?”

Minato stayed silent.

„If pity or excuses are all I can get from you, then I don’t want anything.“

“It’s not pity,” Minato began.

“It’s not? What is it then? I certainly wasn’t important enough to you to talk to me as you were leaving, once again.” Kakashi took a deep breath. “You died, for the second time, and all I could do was look at you, but you didn’t look at me.”

“I-“ Minato was searching for the right words. “It’s not like I didn’t want to, but there was so little time and it was Naruto’s birthday-“

“Let’s face it. I just wasn’t important enough to you, you don’t need to lie,” Kakashi said bitterly. He had turned around and looked down at the people walking around, chattering and laughing.

“That’s not true,” Minato whispered, but he sounded unsure and guilty.

“Is there anything else?” Kakashi asked harshly.

“I’m sorry,” Minato said softly.

“I’m sorry too,” Kakashi said bitterly. “But I’ve lived without you for seventeen years and I can live another seventeen years without you.” He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth.

“You’re right,” Minato said. His voice was shaking.

When Kakashi turned around to apologize, Minato had already left. Kakashi collapsed onto his chair and buried his face in his hands. _What have I done?_


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s just ignore Pain destroying all of konoha.   
> Okay guys. Next chapter will be the last. Naruto will knock some sense into Minato. Thanks for reading.

Kakashi knew that his words changed everything. There was no way they could pretend nothing had happened. It wasn’t because he had been drunk. It wasn’t because Minato was frustrated. It was all because Kakashi couldn’t keep his pathetic feelings to himself. The worst was that he truly wanted to hurt Minato for never giving him the attention he desired, craved so desperately, even if only in that moment.

For the following days, he stayed with Yamato, not offering a reason why. It was uncomfortable sleeping on the couch, and his back felt stiff after he woke up every morning. Although Yamato seemed to know that something was troubling him, he didn’t press the issue.

Kakashi was sure that Minato would move now that he had the opportunity, but an ANBU he stationed outside his apartment told him otherwise. It seemed like Minato stayed for a week, before he finally gave up and moved into his old apartment.

Minato didn’t try to come to his office again, and Kakashi didn’t go to see Minato. He moved back home and another week passed. Although a guard was assigned to Minato to watch him at all times, Kakashi never read their reports. They were kept in a neat pile on the far right corner of his desk. He still wasn’t sure what to do to resolve their _situation_. At the end of the week, Yamato decided to speak up.

“Senpai, enough is enough. Why are you moping like a genin that got rejected by her crush? I think two weeks is more than enough time to either forget the woman or go and show her you’re serious. Not that I have a lot of experience with this.”

“Leave me alone,” Kakashi grumbled with a hand covering his eyes.

“I think you’re too old for this. You’re also the Hokage and can’t afford to be distracted like this,” Yamato scolded him.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Let me guess. That blond guy was your boyfriend and you had a fight with him,” Yamato deadpanned.

Kakashi looked at him wearily.

Yamato looked mildly surprised. “That was supposed to be a joke, but I guess I got it right.”

“That’s the gist of it, yes.”

“Not even trying to deny it?” Yamato raised an eyebrow.

“Are you going to tell everyone in the village I like men now?” Kakashi asked in response.

“Of course not.”

“That’s what I thought. If that’s all, I have some work to finish,” Kakashi said dismissively.

Yamato walked closer to his desk, staring down at him with a stern gaze. “I don’t care that you like men, but you really need to resolve this issue. It’s affecting your work performance. I’m not too keen on telling you what we talk about during council meetings all the time because you’re too busy spacing out.”

“It’s just for a while. Tomorrow, I’ll stop slacking off, ne?” Kakashi smiled dryly.

“If that’s what you want to tell yourself. This is the first time I’ve seen you like this senpai.”

“Are you worried? That’s so nice,” Kakashi cooed.

“I am. You should really talk to him. He seemed to be a nice and understanding guy.”

“I will. Okay? Just leave me alone now,” he waved his hand dismissively.

Yamato gave him a last worried look, before leaving.

Kakashi sighed deeply. If even Yamato decided to speak up, it must be bad. The truth was Minato had told his guard to tell Kakashi that he was welcome at his home anytime and that they should catch up soon. Kakashi always politely declined, telling the guard to say that work had been particularly busy lately. It wasn’t like Minato couldn’t relate to that, even if it was a lie. He knew he was selfish for not going to see Minato and pretend nothing had happened between them, but Minato was the man he loved. Living with the person you want most just within your grasp, but unattainable; it was something that was hard to bear.

Yamato was right. His words made him see the truth and see himself for what he was: a selfish coward. This shouldn’t be about him; it wasn’t himself who was wronged. It was Minato.

Upon his realization, he immediately left his office. The way to Minato’s apartment was familiar to him. It looked the way it had always looked like, ever since he had started his guarding duty for Kushina. Even though he was supposed to hate her for being the one to get Minato in the end and also the reason for his sacrifice, he didn’t hate her. Disliking her was easy, but hating a woman that made the man he loved happy? After Minato died, he had blamed her for a short while, before snapping out of it and telling himself to stop being stupid. It wasn’t like she chose to be the Kyuubi’s Jinchuuriki.

He knocked on the door tentatively. When there was no answer for a while, he almost contemplated leaving, but knocked another time instead, this time with more force. A short time later, the door opened. Minato looked at him, surprised.

“Kakashi…?”

“It’s me,” Kakashi said awkwardly.

“Haha,” Minato laughed. He looked a bit embarrassed. “Please ignore the way I look, I didn’t think I would be having guests today.” He was wearing sweatpants and a large t-shirt.

“That’s okay,” Kakashi moved his weight from one foot to the other, not looking Minato in the eyes.

A few seconds passed.

“Do you want to come in?”

“Yes.”

Minato let Kakashi enter. The apartment looked immaculate, just the way Minato liked it.

“Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll make us some tea?” Minato looked like he was trying not to scare Kakashi off.

“That sounds good.” Kakashi gave him a weak smile, before sitting down, waiting for Minato to finish.

Neither of them said a word, until Minato poured two cups of tea.

“Minato-sensei, I’m sorry for what I said last time.” Kakashi finally broke the silence, his hands crossed in front of his face. “You didn’t need to explain yourself. My comment was out of line.”

Minato smiled sadly. “It’s what you thought, and it’s good that you told me. Let me explain. It was a weak excuse, I know,” he held up his hand, as he saw that Kakashi was about to interrupt him. “But it’s true. I never paid enough attention to you, but when I had to leave, you were already someone dependable. Naruto is nowhere near as mature as you.”

“I was selfish, sensei.”

“You weren’t. It’s only normal that you still look up to me as your sensei and guardian, but I failed you.”

“No, sensei, I failed you,” Kakashi’s voice was trembling. “I didn’t protect Obito and Rin, and I wasn’t able to help you.”

Minato smiled reassuringly, taking one of Kakashi’s hands in his. The warmth was comforting.

“But you did help me. You were someone Naruto could turn to all these years. You’re a much better teacher than me. I thank you for your trust, but I’m undeserving of it.”

“I also don’t deserve your trust. I’m sorry, what I said last time wasn’t true. You’re right. I thought you were someone else.” The lie slipped out of his mouth easily. He hadn’t even thought about it beforehand. They both needed to pretend that nothing ever happened between them. Why, then, was Minato looking dissatisfied?

“I see,” Minato’s smile was slightly strained. “Is it your brown-haired friend? He seemed very nice,” Minato said once again.

“That’s right. His name is Yamato, and I met him shortly after you died.” Kakashi decided to go with Minato’s assumption.

“That’s… does he know about your feelings?” Minato looked concerned.

“No,” Kakashi said. _You don’t know about my feelings either_.

“I think he might like you back. You seemed pretty… close,” Minato finished awkwardly. It seemed as if he didn’t feel too comfortable with the topic.

“We are,” Kaksahi reassured him.

He had successfully managed to redirect the awkwardness between them.

“So, work has been busy lately?” Minato changed the topic, seemingly sensing that Kakashi wasn’t too keen on talking about Yamato.

“Very. Yamato is a great help, though. He’s like my right-hand man.”

“It’s good to have someone like that.”

Kakashi nodded simply. Once again, their conversation stagnated. “I think it’s better if I go now. It’s still in the middle of the day after all.” He stood up. “Thanks for the tea.”

“No problem.” Minato stood up as well, following Kakashi to the door. “Come by again?” He looked hopeful.

“I will,” Kakashi promised. He intended to make good on his promise.

Minato rewarded him with a happy smile. It made Kakashi feel warm inside.

When he was back at his office, he noticed that he did, indeed, work more efficiently. At home, he felt Minato’s absence that he had grown used to even sharper than ever. He felt like a bastard for making Minato move back to his apartment that was full of memories of his life with Kushina, but there was no way he could suddenly tell Minato to move back in with him. It would sound ridiculous.

The next day, he read the reports on Minato’s activity. It seemed the man spent most of his time shopping for groceries, reading, training and not doing much of anything besides that. The man couldn’t be blamed. After all he didn’t know anyone. Kakashi got an idea, while he was brooding over a way to include Minato in the village life once more. In his lunch break, he found himself knocking on Minato’s door again.

“Kakashi, what a pleasant surprise,” Minato smiled. “Did you eat lunch yet? I still have some leftovers.”

“That would be nice.” Kakashi followed Minato into the apartment.

“It’s not much. I don’t like cooking for myself that much,” Minato explained apologetically.

“This looks really good,” Kakashi sat down at the table.

“Really?” Minato’s cheeks flushed a bit at the unexpected praise.

Kakashi smiled slightly. “Really.”

“So what brings you here? I mean, it’s not like I don’t want you to come,” Minato corrected hastily.

“I thought you might want to get a job.” Kakashi started eating Minato’s homemade lunch.

“I do, but there’s not much I can do here. I introduced myself as a bookshop owner.” Minato’s laugh was awkward.

“You could help me with my work. I haven’t been Hokage for long, and I’m sure you could help me out.” The fact that Minato had also abdicated his job shortly after he started it was conveniently omitted.

“I don’t know much about the village anymore.” Minato sounded unsure.

“That’s fine. You can just help me with easy decisions, until you get used to it.”

“Kakashi, I…” Minato sounded truly grateful and looked like he was about to cry.

“It’s nothing much, I know, but I thought you might not want to be alone.”

“It’s true. It gets awfully lonely here, and I’m reminded of Kushina all the time. I know it’s presumptuous but, can I move in with you again?” Minato sounded hopeful.

Kakashi cringed inwardly. “Of course you can.” His voice sounded a lot more nonchalant than he would have thought.

“I’m sorry to be such a bother to you, Kakashi.”

“That’s fine. I know how it feels, after all my father….” He didn’t finish his sentence. It should be obvious what he was referring to.

“Thank you,” Minato’s voice was barely audible. There was a tender look in his eyes.

Kakashi tore his eyes away, unwilling to be pitied. He finished the food. “When do you want to start?”

“Tomorrow would be good. Would you mind, if I moved my belongings back to your apartment today?”

“Do that. We’ll talk in the evening, then.” Kakashi stood up.

“Will you be back for dinner?”

“I’ll try.” He walked towards the door.

“That’s good, now go back to work!” Minato practically pushed him out the door, waving to him at the doorstep.

Kakashi strangely felt like they were back at the beginning, only that he didn’t feel as enthusiastic about their cohabitation as he used to, knowing what had transpired. He called for Yamato.

“I have a problem,” he said finally, after they stared at each other for a minute.

“Again?” Yamato sounded exasperated.

“I did talk to him, like you told me to. He thinks I like you now.”

Yamato looked incredulous. “How did you manage to do that? And no offense, but I don’t like you like that, senpai.”

Kakashi looked disgruntled. “You think I don’t know that?”

Yamato looked at the door with a yearning expression.

“What am I supposed to do?” Kakashi sighed.

“How should I know? I’m not exactly a relationship expert and most definitely not gay.”

“That sounded oddly defensive,” Kakashi remarked.

“Whatever,” Yamato grumbled.

“Okay, why don’t you start at the beginning?” Yamato looked resigned.

“Fine. You thought that Kyoya looked familiar, didn’t you?”

“So?”

“He’s actually the Yondaime. Before you say I’m crazy, read this.” He handed Yamato the top secret medical report and let him look through it for a few minutes.

“Incredible,” Yamato whispered.

“I got tired of being accused of drinking too much again,” Kakashi commented offhandedly.

“Who did that`? It’s not like you ever drink. I was surprised that you were at the bar.” Yamato raised an eyebrow.

“Shikamaru didn’t believe me.”

“Ah, he still doesn’t know you well.”

“So Minato-sensei stayed at my apartment, before we had a small misunderstanding,” Kakashi explained.

“And this ‘misunderstanding’ took place right after we met at the bar…” Yamato looked at him intently. “I think there’s something you’re not telling me.”

“I might have seduced him,” Kakashi tried to sound bored.

Yamato was shocked. “You? Seducing someone? That sounds really farfetched.”

Kakashi stayed silent. He wasn’t about to confess that Minato was the only man he had been serious about.

“So what happened? You slept with each other?”

Kakashi nodded.

“That happens all the time right? Where’s the problem?”

“The problem is that I love him,” Kakashi confessed.

Yamato looked uncomfortable. This was the most serious conversation they had ever had. “Right.”

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this,” Kakashi said, honestly regretting it. Yamato was just like him and preferred to stay out of trouble.

“Why exactly are you telling me all this?”

“I asked him if he wanted to help me with my hokage duties.”

“You did what?”

“You heard me. I just wanted to warn you.” Kakashi looked at him boredly.

“Senpai, this man has a profound influence on you. I’m not sure if it’s good.”

“Don’t worry about me, Yamato. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself.”

“Sometimes I wonder,” Yamato murmured.

“Look on the bright side, at least you won’t have to fill in my leftover paperwork,” Kakashi joked.

Yamato rolled his eyes. “That’s really a relief. Where is the Yondaime staying?”

“With me.”

Yamato threw him a look that seemed to pity him. “Can’t you assign an apartment to him?”

“I can, but he doesn’t want to be alone,” Kakashi said, as if that explained everything.

“That’s the only reason you let him stay with you?”

“You know how it is to be alone.” Kakashi’s eyes darkened.

“I’m not sure if this is for the best.”

Kakashi felt defensive. “This is what I decided. I just informed you of my decision.” He crossed his hands in front of his mouth. “That’s all.”

“You wanted to talk to me, but I feel like we haven’t talked much at all,” Yamato commented.

Kakashi shrugged.

“I’ll be going then.” With one last look at Kakashi, Yamato left.

Kakashi had thought that Yamato might offer some insight on his situation, but then the man had a rather unconventional childhood himself. On top of that, he had never seen him with anyone, man or woman.

At seven, he decided to call it a day and went home. As promised, Minato had prepared dinner. He was sitting in the living room, quietly reading a book. Kakashi wished he could come home to a sight like this for the last seventeen years.

“Tadaima,” he alerted Minato to his presence.

“Okaeri,” Minato smiled warmly, before standing up and helping him out of his coat.

Minato’s hair was tickling his ear, and they were standing close together. Kakashi quickly hung up his coat and brushed past Minato, into the kitchen.

“I’m getting the plates,” he announced.

“I’ll get the food.”

It seemed as if Minato tried out a new recipe every day.

“Seafood is quite expensive,” Kakashi commented.

“I thought it’s fine once in a while, don’t you think so? I have money now, after all.” Minato smiled gently.

“I guess,” Kakashi answered vaguely.

Minato’s efforts felt like an indirect apology.

“How was your day?”

“It was pretty unspectacular. I told Yamato that you’re going to be my assistant starting from tomorrow.”

“Ah, did he agree?” Minato looked nervous.

“He did.” _Not really agree_ …

“That’s good,” Minato sounded relieved. “I wouldn’t want to be standing in your way.” He chuckled.

Kakashi’s mood dampened. It felt like Minato was twisting a knife in his heart, continuously reminding him that he wasn’t interested. He said nothing.

“I’m sorry, did I say something wrong? I’m sure he will come around. You’re an attractive man, after all.”

Kakashi couldn’t even enjoy the compliment Minato had given him. “I’m sure,” he replied tightly.

Minato looked at him apologetically, but stayed silent otherwise.

The next day, Minato accompanied him to work. His guards were informed and everything was running smoothly. Minato turned out to be of great help, as he seemed much more enthusiastic than Kakashi and made him to stay focused. It was probably the fact that he finally did something useful.

Since Minato didn’t have time to prepare lunch anymore, they went to a restaurant to eat or, on particularly busy days, simply ate in the office. Minato still tried to cook as often as possible in the evenings, and Kakashi helped him by chopping vegetables or keeping an eye on their dinner, so it wouldn’t get burned.

It felt like a nice routine and made him push his seduction attempt to the back of his mind. In the evening, however, he would often remember the night after their visit to the bar, and the feeling of Minato above him; inside of him. He always came quickly, but he never felt fully satisfied. Since Minato had been living with him, he hadn’t sought out anyone else, so he had been feeling quite frustrated lately. As far as he knew, though, Minato also had no lover.

There had been no attempts to push him towards Yamato, even when they worked together from time to time, and they mostly ignored that topic.

It was two months after he had gotten news of Minato’s survival that Naruto and Sasuke returned to Konoha.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry folks... I've actually had this sitting on my computer for two years but been far too unmotivated to actually upload it... ugh

A/N:

Remember children, alcohol is bad for you. It makes you do things you are going to regret.

Yamato calls him senpai in my fic because it’s too cute.

Yo guys, this is the last chapter. After I finish ‘Another word for desperate’ I’ll disappear into obscurity again…

Sorry that I didn’t update in so long. Actually, this chapter has been almost finished for three weeks, but I just didn’t want to write the last conversation …

STORY START

„We’re back!“ Naruto shouted and threw the door open.

The guards didn’t try to stop him, knowing it was futile. Sasuke was trailing behind Naruto, looking bored. Naruto marched towards Kakashi’s desk, slamming his hand down on it.

“That was so boring! All we found was… old documents! There was nothing to do, so we stopped at wave country on the way back and visited Inari.”

Kakashi looked at Sasuke in order to confirm Naruto’s words. Sasuke nodded slightly.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Did you write your report yet?” Kakashi took in their appearance. It seemed as if they had just arrived in Konoha.

“You don’t sound sorry at all,” Naruto grumbled. “Yea, we wrote it on our way. It was so boring, so it’s really short.”

Sasuke walked towards the desk, dropping the report on it, before moving to stand next to Naruto again. Kakashi leafed through the report.

“You mean Sasuke wrote it. All right, I’ll look at it later.”

“Naruto,” Minato’s quiet voice interrupted their friendly banter.

Naruto’s head whipped around, staring at Minato, before he turned to glare at Kakashi.

“What kind of joke is this?” He shouted angrily.

“This is no joke,” Kakashi said calmly. “Sasuke, why don’t we head out for a bit? I’m sure they have a lot to catch up on.”

Kakashi stood up and inconspicuously nudged Sasuke, who looked slightly confused, towards the door.

“Kakashi. Why is there a person who looks like the Yondaime in your office? It wasn’t a genjutsu.”

“It wasn’t,” Kakashi confirmed. “It’s the Yondaime. Before you ask, I’m getting tired of explaining time and time again. Just ask Naruto later, he’ll tell you anyway.”

“Fine.”

“What kind of documents did you find?”

“We found several on the history of the Uzumaki clan and the Senju clan. Others were sealing jutsu records and family records. We weren’t able to retrieve the scroll Orochimaru used to free the souls.”

Kakashi clenched his teeth. “Damn it.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “It’s rare to see you so agitated. Does it have to do with the man in your office?”

Kakashi looked at him. “Maybe,” he said, before leaving Sasuke to his own devices.

He left the Hokage coat with one of his employees, before going out. It was obvious that he would be spending lunch time alone that day and wanted to remain undetected. Even if he was happy for Minato that he finally saw Naruto again and would be able to spend time with him properly, it was also troubling him. Now that Naruto was back, Minato would surely move in with Naruto, to make up for the time they were unable to see each other. It was selfish, but he didn’t want Minato to leave him.

The café looked the same time as it did when he visited it with Minato, but the waitress was gone. He sat down in the same spot they had chosen last time and ordered a black coffee. It made him think of the time the waitress had confused them to be a couple, and he smiled slightly, while sipping his coffee. There probably wouldn’t be any opportunities like that anymore. When he saw Sasuke and Naruto interacting, he was a bit jealous. It was obvious that Naruto understood Sasuke without words. To him, Minato was an enigma. What was Minato thinking? It eluded him.

After he finished his coffee and a sandwich, he went back to his office, getting his coat back on the way. Naruto and Minato were laughing at something, oblivious to the world around them. Kakashi cleared his throat to make them aware of his presence. Their laughter trickled down to a chuckle.

“Kakashi, you’re back,” Minato was smiling gently.

“Kakashi-sensei! Tou-chan told me all about it. Thanks for taking such great care of him!”

“Ah, it was nothing.” Kakashi walked around his desk and sat down. “Minato-sensei, why don’t you take the day off? I’m sure there’s still plenty you want to talk about with Naruto.”

“Thank you, I think I will do that. What do you think, Naruto?”

“You’re even asking? That’s a great idea. Thanks, sensei!”

Kakashi waved it off. A second later, Naruto was storming out of the office, impatiently waiting for Minato at the door.

“I’ll be home for dinner,” Minato reassured him.

Kakashi shrugged his shoulders, wondering what kind of expression he had been showing Minato. The rest of the day seemed bleak to him due to Minato’s absence. Over the last few weeks, he had grown accustomed to the motivating presence in his office.

When he entered his front door, it smelled like food. An unusual sight greeted him. There, at his small table, were three people. Minato was not an unknown presence to him, but he was astonished when he saw Sasuke alongside Naruto.

“Okaeri,” Minato greeted him. “Sorry for inviting them without your consent, I hope you don’t mind.”

Naruto looked at Minato, then at Kakashi. “Sorry for intruding. I hope you don’t mind that I brought Sasuke along.”

“No, not at all,” Kakashi said politely, although he wasn’t too impressed by the fact that Naruto and Sasuke were in his apartment.

 “Shall we eat?” Minato broke the silence.

Dinner was tense for Kakashi and Sasuke, but Minato and Naruto were able to talk to each other freely. When Minato excused himself to go to the bathroom, Naruto spoke up.

“I’m not going to take him away from you, you know.”

“What?” Kakashi didn’t believe his ears.

“You looked at me like Sasuke does when I talk to Hinata,” Naruto explained. Then he grinned at Sasuke.

Sasuke elbowed him.

“Ouch,” Naruto rubbed his rips.

Sasuke glared at him. “What are you talking about,” he demanded.

“You look jealous, is what I’m saying.” Naruto seemed to be gloating.

“You must be delusional,” Sasuke said coldly.

“Who looks jealous?” Minato seemed curious.

“Haha, no one,” Naruto laughed it off. “I was just making a joke,” he said, but looked at Sasuke tenderly.

Sasuke averted his eyes.

So Kakashi had been right. Naruto and Sasuke were closer than they seemed. However, he didn’t know what to make of Naruto’s comment. His emotions needed to be controlled properly. It was him who should be saying that he wouldn’t take Minato from Naruto. He knew something needed to be done.

“Minato-sensei,” he began, as soon as Naruto and Sasuke left. They were washing the dishes.

“Yes? I’m sorry, if it’s about them coming over-“

“It’s not,” Kakashi interrupted him. “I was just thinking, now that Naruto’s back, I’m sure you would want to live with him. If you want, I can show you some apartments that are available.”

Minato smiled and Kakashi mentally prepared himself.

“But I don’t think that will be necessary.” Minato handed Kakashi the last plate.

“What?” Kakashi asked dumbly. “Why not? It’s the fastest way.”

Minato smiled a little, but he looked sad. “Naruto is an adult now.” He turned away from Kakashi, unfastened his apron and put it away. Then he turned to Kakashi again, looking like his usual cheerful self. “Are you getting tired of living with me?”

“Never,” Kakashi replied truthfully.

“Me neither.”

Kakashi smiled at Minato’s admission.

Just as Minato had promised, they continued to live together. Minato often went out after dinner to meet Naruto and Kakashi enjoyed the quiet. He didn’t mind handing Minato over to Naruto in the evening hours, since he had Minato to himself during the day. After the second week of spending nearly every evening alone, he decided to bother his favorite kohai.

“Yondaime-sama, senpai, here are the assessments of the new genin,” Yamato greeted them.

“Why aren’t you calling me Rokudaime-sama? You call him Yondaime too, after all,” Kakashi acted like he was sulking.

“Old habits die hard,” Yamato told  him.

“That’s true,” Kakashi admitted freely. “What are you doing this evening?”

“Working on the contracts you gave me, why? I’m not slacking off, don’t worry.”

“That’s not why I was asking. Maybe we could go for a drink,” Kakashi suggested casually.

Yamato looked at Minato, then back at Kakashi. “Maybe another time,” he looked a bit nervous.

“Today is good. You don’t need to finish those contracts by tomorrow.”

“But-“

“No buts. Eight, at the usual place.”

“Fine,” Yamato finally gave in. “Be on time,” he warned.

With one last look at Minato, he left.

“Ah, so you and him?” Minato sounded a little tense.  “Good luck…then. I’ll be training with Naruto, so I’ll be home late.”

“Thanks for telling me,” Kakashi said, effectively ending their conversation.

Minato was oddly silent for the rest of the day.

Ten minutes after eight, he arrived at the bar he and Yamato had agreed on.

“Yo!” Kakashi held up a hand in greeting.

“You’re late.”

“It’s only ten minutes, don’t be like that,” Kakashi said amicably.

Yamato sighed. “You’re hopeless, although you’re not as late as you used to be. Let’s go in.”

Yamato entered the bar and sat down at a table for two, next to the window. They both ordered sake.

“Why did you want to meet me? Do you want to talk about, you know, again?” Yamato sounded awkward.

“No, I just wanted to spend some time with my kohai.”

“You know that… Minato will think that we’re on a date.”

“Actually, I wasn’t thinking about that. But even if he does, it doesn’t matter,” Kakashi said nonchalantly.

“It does matter, if he looks like he wants to murder me!” Yamato raised his voice a bit.

“I think you’re being a bit dramatic. The ‘If you hurt him…’ speech should happen much later, believe me.” Kakashi didn’t understand Yamato’s reaction.

“That’s not what it looked like to me. Anyway, I don’t think that that’s going to happen anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s more ‘if you dare lay a hand on Kakashi’…” Yamato explained.

“What are you suggesting?” Kakashi asked suspiciously.

“I think that he likes you.”

Kakashi laughed. “What a joke,” he said dryly.

“It’s not a joke. He talks only to you and Naruto… Well, lately Sasuke as well. He cooks for you and lives with you. If he only liked you as a friend, I don’t think he would treat you this way. If you were only a former student, then he wouldn’t be this close to you.”

“He just feels guilty, that’s all,” Kakashi reasoned. “It’s not like he can make normal friends, since nobody really knows who he is. And after what happened to Naruto, I doubt he would want to associate with his old friends.”

“If that’s what you want to think,” Yamato answered noncommittally.

“It is.”

They spent the rest of their evening talking about work-related matters and reminiscing about the time they spent training Naruto. Before they knew it, it had become close to midnight.

“Senpai, It’s getting late. I should be going home.”

“Right, let’s go.”

They paid and walked down the streets quietly.

“I think you should talk about it with him,” Yamato blurted out.

“That went really well last time,” Kakashi said sarcastically.

“I know, but…” He stopped, frustrated. “You’re right. It was a bad idea.”

“It wasn’t,” Kakashi reassured him. “I just felt like I couldn’t face him anymore, if I told him the truth.”

“This is a complicated situation,” Yamato remarked.

“Who are you telling this to?” Kakashi sighed.

“I’m not very good at this,” Yamato confessed.

“Don’t worry about that. I’m not too good at it either, as you can see. We work together every day, we eat together every day, and we sleep in the same apartment. Still, I can’t tell him the truth.”

Yamato stayed silent, and Kakashi felt embarrassed.

“Well,” he cleared his throat, “see you tomorrow.”

“See you. I’ll hand in the contracts the day after tomorrow.”

“Ah, please do that.”

He mulled over Yamato’s words. Could it really be possible? Did Minato feel the same as him? No, it was simply too farfetched. Letting himself continue to think that way was the fastest route to getting his hopes up.

When he entered his apartment, he noticed that the living room lights were on. Minato was sitting at his table, looking pensive. In front of him there were two small sake cups and a bottle of sake. As Kakashi entered the room, he looked up and smiled.

“Ah, there you are. Why don’t we have a drink?” Minato motioned for him to sit down.

Suspiciously, Kakashi sat down and eyed Minato.

“I just drank with Yamato, but I can keep you company,” he offered.

 “Do it for me, please?” Minato’s voice was small.

“Did you fight with Naruto?”

Minato looked down at the sake bottle in his hands. “I didn’t, but he talked some sense into me.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Something was obviously bothering Minato, judging by the way he still avoided eye contact.

“I want to… but I don’t know if I should,” he laughed awkwardly.

Kakashi didn’t know what to say. He agreed with Minato; he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear what he had to say.

Minato breathed in deeply. “When I woke up, I didn’t really want to live like this anymore,” he started, but stopped for a moment. His eyes rested on the table. “I still feel like it’s my fault that Kushina died. I still can’t believe she’s gone.” They stayed silent for a while.

Kakashi was trying hard to come up with any comforting words, but it seemed like his mouth was unable to form any.

“I woke up and she’s still gone. It’s not fair. I was the one who should have died.” He took another deep breath, and finally looked at Kakashi with a determined look. “But you’re here now. You show me that I can still be useful and that people still like me. I feel like I can start over again.”

“She would want you to be happy.” It sounded generic and too forced, but he hoped that it would sound comforting, at least the tiniest bit. He wasn’t too good at comforting words.

“Even if I am responsible for her death?” Minato looked so sad, it made Kakashi’s heart clench.

“You aren’t the one who killed her. Some things are beyond our control,” he replied calmly. The words sounded empty to him; it wasn’t like he didn’t blame himself for things that were out of his control all the time. He just hoped that Minato hadn’t caught on yet.

“I feel like it should have been in my control,” Minato hid his face behind his hands, but he didn’t cry. He just sounded tired, so very tired. “It makes me think of the time that Obito died.”

“I was the team captain, I should have protected him.”

“You were only a child then,” Minato ground out. “I shouldn’t have burdened you with such a responsibility, but sadly war doesn’t always allow us the freedom of choice.”

“I was never a child.” And it was true. He wasn’t. Not after his father died; not even before that.

“But we can’t change the past. I wish I could. Every day, I wish for it. But I can’t, and life goes on. Every day, I was tormented by the thought of everyone I had let down, everyone who died before me.  It was hard for me, before I found a new purpose.” Kakashi smiled a little, as he thought of Naruto.

 “Your son, he is someone I want to support at all costs. Even if I can’t change the past, I can change the future. I can change the way people think, even if only by supporting Naruto.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Minato smiled weakly.

“It’s not easy, but you know that already. That’s why you wanted to become hokage. You wanted to change things,” Kakashi reminded him.

Minato needed to focus on who he really was, even if he wasn’t as perfect as Kakashi had always envisioned him to be. He had put the man on a pedestal. It was even relieving to get to know the real Minato, the one who had fears and doubts just like everyone else. Kakashi just hadn’t seen it before.

“You’re right. Thank you, Kakashi.”

“No problem. If that’s all, I’ll take a shower and go to sleep.” He moved to stand up, but was stopped.

“Wait! That’s not what I wanted to talk about, I mean it was but…”

Kakashi held his hands up. “Slow down. What did you want to talk about, then?”

“I don’t want you to think that I only think about the past. I don’t. I found a new purpose as well.” Minato had a determined look in his eyes. “So, Naruto told me that you can’t possibly like Yamato. He said that you have shown no interest in anyone, be it female or … male.”

Kakashi stiffened. Naruto that brat… “What does that have to do with your new purpose? Besides, Naruto isn’t the most perceptive person,” Kakashi remarked. It was true that Naruto wasn’t one to pay too much attention to his surroundings, but his assessment in this case was accurate.

“Sasuke said the same.”

“Sasuke isn’t known to understand people very well,” Kakashi said sarcastically.

“Naruto made me aware of something…” Minato was watching his reactions, seeing if he would give himself away.

“Fine,” Kakashi conceded, “I haven’t had any lover ever since I started training team seven.”

“Since you started training team seven?” Minato raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like a very long time.”

Kakashi wasn’t about to tell him that he had never had any meaningful relationship at all, so he settled on simply shrugging.

“So, Naruto made me aware of a fact… And that is, that you might like me.” Minato sounded nervous.

Kakashi hadn’t expected it. He was at a loss for words. It seemed a lot harder to lie to Minato’s face directly. “He said that?”

“Sometimes I think he’s more perceptive than you think.”

“So you think it’s true,” Kakashi needed to make sure. Their relationship was about to become a lot more complicated. Once your feelings were out in the open, it was always like there was something between you, something that made you feel embarrassed.

Minato waited a few moments, before answering, “That night, it wasn’t a dream, and it wasn’t you who started it. I’m sure.” He looked almost ashamed. “When I saw you after being alone for so long, my first thoughts were… Well, they were that you became a very attractive man. And my next reaction was shock. I never knew that I liked men.” Minato chuckled.

Kakashi sat down again. He almost couldn’t trust his ears. “What are you saying?” He asked, his voice a lot louder than he intended.

“I’m saying that I think that you like me, and that I… might like you, too.”

Kakashi’s heart was beating so fast that he hoped that Minato couldn’t hear it. He tried to seem nonchalant. “That’s fine. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. I’m nice to you because you’re my old teacher.”

“I’m not doing this because I think I owe you something.”

“I don’t believe it.” It was impossible that Minato had feelings for him. If he simply found him attractive, that was understandable. He never knew why, but people found him attractive and flirted with him.

“I know, it’s improper. I’m your teacher. Forgot that I said anything, please,” Minato apologized profusely. It seemed as if he thought that Naruto had been wrong.

“That’s not it. I don’t have anything to offer, and you know everything I’ve done. All people who died because I couldn’t protect them.” Kakashi’s breath hitched. “I’m not a good person.”

“Weren’t you the one who just told me that there are things beyond your control? Besides, I think you have a lot to offer. You are intelligent, witty, strong and… good-looking. You value yourself far too little.”

“Why is good-looking at the end?” Kakashi joked. They both relaxed visibly as the tension eased up.

“I didn’t want you to think that I like you because of your looks because I’m sure that it happens a lot to you,” Minato explained.

Kakashi nodded.

“We don’t have to decide right away. How about this, tomorrow, we will go on our second date and then see where it goes from there.” Minato smiled at him.

Kakashi felt his cheeks warm up. “Second date?”

“Wasn’t our first date when we went to the café? The one were the waitress thought we were a couple,” Minato chuckled.

Kakashi rolled his eyes, but smiled despite himself. “That sounds good.”

“Then it’s settled. How about we take that shower together?” Minato winked.

“No.”

“Too soon?”

“I still can’t believe it.”

 

 


End file.
